Messages From Beyond...

2005-07-17T19:04:00.000+08:00

I have moved to a bigger, better location. Click here to proceed to my new abode. So long and good night!

2005-05-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

Like most blogs, this one's moving. So long and good night. When i finally have time (and the energy) to create a new blog, i shall and i will, inform you guys. Take good care of yourselves, and i still AM reading ur blogs.

2005-05-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

Don't trouble yourself. Ramblings ahead.

I feel like breaking away from life for a while. I feel like going away to some deserted island all alone, to enjoy the sun, the sand and the sea without anyone making remarks about my skin, my hair, the way i look, the way i behave. I feel claustrophobic.

On the outside i behave normally. But i'm kinda sick of everything. I'm sick of you repeating "cacat cacat cacat" like its some fucking mantra which will earn you tickets to get to heaven. Fara stroke the right chords when she asked

"Fad.. Don't you feel anything when people do that?"

I had grinned and shrugged. What can i do? If i make a big fucking fuss out of it, people will start saying that i can't take jokes. I guess its funny in the beginning, or when it comes up once in a while, but when you repeat it every single day to me, every time you meet me, its fucking annoying and makes me fucking irritated. Yeah, you say that and i laugh (oscar award winner) and they laugh and im the comic relief for the day. yay. Im tired of being the comic relief every single day, and the best part is that i dont even get paid. Isnt there just ONE fucking day you can give it a rest?

Im tired of being told how under-average or average i look. I KNOW im dark. I KNOW my hair's a mess. I KNOW i have slight odour. I KNOW im short. I KNOW i look like a boy. You know i cant do anything about it, and that i've tried my best. I look at myself in the mirror every single day and all the remarks i hear come back to me and day after day i see an uglier me looking back from the other side. Its taking a toll on me. I want to be beautiful like you, like them, but if im born with this pigmentation, this hair, this DNA, what can i do about it?

I don't understand fucking french revolution. I don't understand whatever shit that's coming out of her mouth every lesson, and i can't seem to understand even after reading the fuckin notes.

I'm not gonna get my A in Economics even though i studied for days for it. I'm not gonna get good grades for my Malay A as i absolutely find the lessons a BORE. Never would i have thought Sastera would be a bore. i want my higher malay teacher back.

Im fucking tired. And i don't know who to turn to to pour out all my emotions. Im fucked up. I'm close to noone right now, except for the other half. and he's sick and i don't want to bother him. I've let Claire down. I've let my friends down. I've let myself down. Im tired. Im tired. Am i having a nervous breakdown?

I move like a clockwork robot these days. I don't mind helping people, but i fucking hate it when you step over my head just because i don't make a big deal.

I am in need of someone to fill up this hole in me right now. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me everything is gonna be ok. I need someone to wipe the tears that are streaming down my face. I need someone who will tell me that all these physical appearances really doesnt matter. I need a friend. Oh wow i sound fucking desperate.

And if you're one of my JJmates who happen to read this, i'd appreciate if you don't talk about it to me in school. Thanks a bunch.

Im tired. Im tired. Im tired. I want to break away. I want to break away. I want to break away. I want to be special. I want to be special. I want to be special. I want to feel loved. I want to feel loved. I want to feel loved.

Maybe im just experiencing moodswings. sigh.

2005-05-16T20:24:00.000+08:00

Both the other half and i are recovering from sore throats, flu, and mild fever. Please give us your well wishes, or subsidize us for a trip to the doctor.

PS. I have the right not to use the donations for the trip to the doctors but instead something that will make me even healthier, lets say a blast from my own iPod mini, or straight hair or something to that effect.

It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you

Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile
It's all about you

Then you whispered in my ear and you told me to
Said you make my life worth while
It's all about you

And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do

So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles it's all about you
Yeah

(Guitar Solo)

And I would answer all your wishes if you asked me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses don't know what I'd do

So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes you make my life worth while
So I told you with a smile

It's all about you
It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you
It's all about you.

2005-05-15T09:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning i got out of the house to go for "hockey training". haha. Well, actually it was so that i could meet up with the other half and spend the whole day proper with him, since we've not met much in the past week.

I went over to his area, and there we ate breakfast; him and his Malaysian-brand Chicken, and me and my spaghetti. As usual, we ordered Cheng Tng to go along with it. After filling up our tummy, we planned to go John's shop (a handphone shop), but to no avail, as the shop was still closed.

So we started walking to the 154 busstop, to go to Clementi. As we were walking, a huuuge building loomed over us, and in it was the hustle bustle of people. Both of us were stunned.

"Eh you... Since when is this building open? I thought they were still building it?"

"Yah.. Thats what i thought too.. But how come the shops all like so fast open already?"

"Ayoyo. You live like right next to this building and you don't even know its open for use already?"

"Maybe we've been trapped in time, Faddy. Maybe we were sleeping for the past 1 week. Thats why we don't know about this."

"Uhm.."

And so we headed towards the 3-storey market cum foodcourt and explored the whole area. The other half was amazed at the amount of Sugarcane drink stalls, and wanted to buy one. But after peering into his wallet only to find BIG change, he decided not to. And thus concludes our mini-exploration at the market.

We continued walking to the faraway busstop, the sun beating down on our backs. The other half suddenly stopped under the tree, right smack in the middle of its shadow. I slowed down next to him and he said

"Eh its freaking hot lah."

"Yah so? What can you do about it?"

"Why not, from this shade, we run to that shadow of the tree opposite there, then we walk in the railings's shadow and make a dash towards the bustop."

"But your route so many hot spots, must sprint somemore."

"Aiyah. Then you plan lah!"

"How about, we walk under this shade that we're on, towards the blocks. Then we walk under the block, all the way to the bustop."

"(Intimidated by my cleverness)
Eeee. Lame. Like small kid want to hide from the sun."

Buh! haha. So we continued on the normal route, and had to run for the bus. We hopped on it, and in a matter of minutes, we reached Empress, Clementi. I have to say i hate the rise in cinema rates right now. We used to have to pay 5bucks for a movie at empress, now its 7 bucks. 2 bucks! 2 bucks! (4 bucks for him since he was treating) He wanted to watch House Of Wax due to the existance of Paris Hilton *cough* boobs *cough*, but due to my pestering we decided to watch Kingdom Of Heaven.

30 mins into the movie, the other half was already snoring, his drool tarnishing the cardigan i gave him to use as a pillow. Tsk 7 bucks just to sleep. haha. As for me, i held on in the first few boring minutes, and was awarded with a great middle and last portion. Orlando's hair kept me intrigued throughout the movie though. haha. It was a good movie (i prefer troy), and i was surprised that the Muslims were potrayed as honourable people, while the Christians somehow took a slight whipping. Quoted from Ridjal, "this is surprising coming from Hollywood". Oh well~

And so, 2hrs 15 mins later, with me smiling and liking the movie, and the other half stoned from his 1hr30mins of sleep, he asked

"So whats the movie all about?"

Ayoyoyo. Lame lah my boyfriend. haha. So i spent 10 minutes explaining to him what the movie was all about. From there, we headed to West Coast Park's McDonalds, and stayed studying all the way till 930pm. I wrapped up my Econs test studying, and he finished 3/4 of his loooong maths worksheet.

And thus i reached home at 1030pm, soaked in the rain, and sneezing all the way, only to find out upon reaching home that the whole family was sick. Tada! haha. So later on, my mom's going to accompany Fauzi to the Doc's and i have to take care of the shop till she comes back. Aiyayayai. Ok im late. Supposed to be ready by 10 (its 9:44 am now), and yet i still have not bathed. hehe!

2005-05-15T01:00:00.000+08:00

I could have stayed in that position for the rest of my life and not get sick of it.

2005-05-14T09:12:00.000+08:00

It is a cool Saturday morning. Rain is going to pour in turrents in a matter of minutes. Here are the reply to tags that i've promised.

Reply to tags:

Ady: Ah yer aku dah link kau. Kau spell nama aku salah. nak kene jitak?

Ah Boi: OOhh wee. Yeap2 who wouldnt love that fone! oh and thanks for the rather inspiring words about my hockey training. you should sign up for yoga, though. ermm.. i fell face-first. *malu malu*

Ain: Oh that guy's your abang angkat. You two do look very similar though. Oh and i didnt use photoshop. Just used 'microsoft paint'. uhm and ure welcome about the advice thingy.

Arikazari: Have a nice day too Johnny John John.

Aziz: Haha. Thats cause you have work too, my dear boy. As for me, im free and easy, thats why i can take 2 ccas. Oh and thanks for the compliment! =) btw, only JJC has much camaraderie. hehe. chey~

Diana: haha. thanks dik. =) wats ur blog addie uh?

Ditri: Wa'alaikumsalam. fad sihat wala'fiat. faris ckp dia dah jaga fad sebaik2nyer. haha.

Duan: haha. You survived my mushy entry! Thou shall be rewarded with a certificate from me. Please collect at the nearest post office! Thanks for the good week wishes. and for the record, i fell face-first. *malu malu*

Fana: Yeap dats what i thought too. But then again, they shouldnt stereotype. Many many of my JC friends arent like that. buh!

Farez: respect for me? haha. i hope so, farez. i hope so.

Faris: Thanks dear for informing the peeps. kehkehke.

Farn: Booooh!! i cant watch GSC cuz im broke. Would you like to sponsor me?.. haha. taik tercicir kepe. Gross~

Fefe: yay yay! Fad dah update blog! u mean u always read my blog ker? tag banyak2 k? haha.

Husna: Nyeah nyeah! Yoga's good but its damn hilarious.

Idza: haha. yeap cikgu isa's one unique character. so fun his class.. NOT. haha.

Irfan: Neh stupidity doesnt have its limits. Go wild babeh! and yes, i am chaotarer. Hanguser. aaaaahh!! Whitening cream! here i come!

Kimi: haha. great to be single? i guess so. but with faris, its great to be attached. eheeeeeeeeehehe! pasal yang sweet entry tu, aku kan senantiasa very sweet. mcm kau tak tau gitu eh. hahaha!

Kinky: Hhaha. Ok this is so overdue, but kinky, welcome back from KL! hahaha.

Malihha: Welcome, mally. I hope you're doing fine. I miss you too beb, i apologise for not contacting much. i have tons of homework lah. when you dah masok poly you'll see what i mean. Sigh.

Nalisa: AKU RINDU KAU LAH DEY. cuma aku takde time nak chatting2 sangat. Help me murder my econs teacher and i WILL talk to you and kinky all night long. PROMISE!

Nas: Hello Nas. Bye Nas.

Nazeera: School's fine babe. The malay community has erupted into around 40 peeps, and around 20 of us are rather close. yay! Hmm. I hate PW too! Luckily my group aint that bad.

Nurul: Yerlah2. You helped me sign up for hockey. pfft. hehe. thanks nurul.

Sal: Neh. That point of time my com was down uh. But yes, i am VERY buzy though. pui!

The star: haha. And i thought i was the only one who was drama-mama. lupernyer everyone like that. may i know who you are?

Xiuz: Haha. Havent you heard? Faddy has changed man! Faddy has changed! Im now more matured. feweeet! and yes, i do miss you guys. boohoo. oh congrats for being in the top 2 JC bands in singapore! i guess you'll be more band-mad now right?

2005-05-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

Oh wow! Another photo of me after such a long while. I truly thing ive become less photogenic, and it makes me so depressed. Boohoo! I don't look good in real life, so i was so happy that i looked nice in pics. But now i look ugly in both. Boohoo! Notice my uber dark skin. Nyeah!

This is Sangitah the cacat. She's so cacat but people fail to notice that, instead everyone of my friends call ME cacat. Life is unfair. Oh if she looks familiar, thats because she was in JJ during the first 3 months also. The BREASTident of the Society. Old habits die hard, she still thinks she's the chioest girl in school. *pukes* hahaha.

This minah seducer wannabe had made so many enemies in school on day one because of her minah looks. I bet none of you will disagree. haha. The first time i saw her, i was like "Oh sheesh this kind of Minah also can get into JJ". I was like so full of distaste for her ah. But after being posted into the same class, this clever minah is one of my closest friends, and i can safely say she is very UNminah. A 100% good example of Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover. An arab+chinese mix.

The girl on the left is Natasha. She's actually a J2, but somehow she got herself confused during admin day and now she's still stuck in J1. Sadly, for the J1s. This girl is by far the most talkative in the group. For example, she talked for 2hrs STRAIGHT this morning when the whole lot of us ponteng Malay lessons. She holds strong views on different stuff, and rarely does she sway in her stand. Most of the J1s respect her alot, i guess. I do.

The girl on the right is in the same class as me. Noridana. She's like the mak (Mother) of the group. She's the one who will go "Did you do your work? Why arent you doing your work? Fadhilah, don't give Fara the answer! How will she ever learn? Can you all stop talking?" and on and on and on. You can say she's the most sensible one in the group uh. But we all love her very much cuz she's like the person who reminds us to keep work and play balanced. Oh and Dana, HAPPY BIRTHDAY beb!

This is Radhiyah. At first we all thought she was the silent kind, the kind of person who doesnt gossip and all. But suddenly out of the blue, she opens her mouth and out spouts bitchy gossip that was much bitchier then ours! haha. We were all like flabbergasted. Turns out she's the kind who keeps quiet and notices stuff. She talks with this very cute accent and sometimes blur like sotong.

Irahhhh. This girl very the miang even though she has a 7year relationship with her boyfriend (woah!). I'm not really close to her, but what i do know is that she's super good in economics as her mom's an econs teacher at SRJC, and she's very helpful.

Ok then, i need to do my homework now. Don't forget to leave a tag! I'll reply tomorrow night or Saturday morning. i PROMISE! hahahha. nonsense~

2005-05-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

The Toa Payoh stadium was ringing with cheers from both sides of the arena; Nanyang JC against Jurong Jc. One after another, either side of the stadium would erupt with synchronised clappings and movements. I have to say, JJ's cheers were much more impressive; we had much complicated cheers whilst all they did was

"N *clap* Y *clap* NYJC"

C'mon lah. All of us already learnt spelling in kindergarden. *sniggers* haha. Ok i'm just being cocky cause we won. It was a very close fight, the end score was 3-2 (JJ being 3 of course). Haha. But it was not only the volleyball team which was impressive, the whole school cheering as one was really very touching too. Silly me *almost* teared lah. hahha! Ok emotional moment here folks.

So during the last set, where both teams were drawed at 2sets each, with JJ leading 14 - 8, the whole school was jumping around like monkeys, going bonkers. One after another, cheers were shouted. Everyone was in a good mood, who wouldn't when your school is in the lead? haha. So when Team JJ scored that final 15 points, ~~the roof fell down due to too much vibration from the cheers that followed and we all died~~ my mates and i were hugging each other, slapping each other's backs and screaming out cheers like nothing else mattered. kahkahkah.

Much congratulations to the JJ Volleyball team!

The weather was really nice today, almost perfect if the temperature would go down a little. After the match, i met up with the other half. The initial plan was to sit down somewhere together to catch up on our respective homeworks, but we ended up eating a spring chicken which he bought, going to Jurong East to buy his d500c (after selling his black V3) and having a ball of a time playing this "Free Kick" game on his handphone.

Bliss.Bliss.Bliss.Bliss.Bliss.

Its 10:16pm right now. By midnight, i'd have to complete my Preliminary Idea for my Project Work and my Maths Tutorials. Gahhh! Got to go guys. Tag replies on weekend. Promise!

2005-05-10T22:47:00.000+08:00

We sat there, under the shining stars with the breeze slightly caressing our body. Occasionally, an MRT would rumble by, breaking the silence that was between us. We just sat there, not talking, not touching, only hearing the voices ringing in our heads. I would glance at his scrunched up face, his eyebrows downturn and tight, his lips grim. But i knew that i could do nothing except to sit by him and let him know of my presence. I'd then look up at the trees swaying with the wind, my heart heavy with worry for him.

For a few minutes, we sat like that. I could say it was the longest real silence between us; a silence that somehow speaks a thousand words by itself.

He then tilted his head towards me, and spilled out the worries that was burdening him. I could only listen and sympathise; i can't place myself in his shoes, as i have not, and i don't think will, undergo what he's going through. I listened, nodded and comforted him. At that moment i really wished i could take away some of the stress he feels... Take care of yourself, dear. I really hope you won't give up. Hold on and you can get through this, trust me. I'll be here to accompany you if you need anything.

Other then that, Team JJ hockey was thrashed by VJC. No comments. The score was too absurd that i don't think anyone felt the pinch. hahaha. *shrugs*

2005-05-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

I apologise i've not replied any tags in my tagboard. Im sorry Ady. I promise I'll reply during the weekend. Assignments are pouring in turrents, but then again, whats new?

School has been great actually, if you manage to minus off all the studying, the homework and the Physical Trainings. And to that you plus more jokings, crapping arounds, laughters and gossips. You do the maths.

I quote from my latest read "You put two people in a room together, and politics naturally comes around". You just can escape from human behaviour can you?

Yes you're right. These are my random thoughts once again. I feel claustraphobic. And yet i have no idea why. Oh and i just got back this 16PF thing, which i had paid 50 bucks for. It was a study to show your personality. So basically, i've paid 50 bucks to degrade myself. How sad is that?

Nyeah. Im tired. Of what? I don't know. Whats the point of all this? All this studying. All this going to school and coming back home with more workload? All i look forward to when i step out of the house are my dear friends and the other half.

I miss Rhino and Claire. I miss Atikah. (I welled up when i saw the shoe she wore) I miss Hakim. I miss being carefree, not a strand of homework or project to be done. I miss late night chats. I miss him waking me up early in the morning. I miss time crawling by. I miss a LOT of stuff. Sigh.

Or maybe all these are just PMS.

2005-05-08T23:27:00.000+08:00

Those who stumbled upon the earlier mothers' day post, i take back my words. Gah! Im having bad PMS right now, not the kind that makes me mushy. Sometimes i wish people would stop treating me like a rubbish bin.

"Rubbish bin, Faddy? Why?"

Cause of the simple fact that people tend to take me for granted. They'll latch on to me whenever they have problems to offload (aka rubbish to throw), but when they're as happy as a butterfly (don't ask me why i made a connection from happy to butterfly), they push me aside and totally ignore me, until they have a new problem to offload. Bleah.

2005-05-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of pouring rain, and the sound of my mum shouting to my brothers as well as my father

"Hoi! Its 9am! You're all gonna be late for Madrasah!"

I had chuckled to myself, and nestled between the soft comforters that hugged me tightly, providing a warmth and a luxuriant feel on my skin. As if on cue, the handphone lying beside me rang softly. His deep voice resonated from the other side of the phone and we chatted for a while, my laughter echoing around the small room. A few minutes later, i put down the receiver, having to respond to the call of mummy. After passing the mum her iron, i nestled back in bed, my latest read (Nina: Adolescence) in my hands, and there i read till around 10am.

Then i got up and strode into the computer room, the silence of the household rapturing my ears. Windows Media Player began crooning voices of John Mayer and Jason Mraz. I started on my homework accompanied by the heavenly voices of the two men, as well as the pattering of the raindrops and the occasional thunder.

A letter to the other half.

Disclaimer:Contains mushy lovey dovey stuff which might cause reader to vomit. Avoid if possible.

You asked me why i don't speak up for the things i might want us to do when we go out. The answer is simple. I wanted to do things that would make you happy, and the things i want to do, might not make that happen.

I don't mind, travelling all the way to your area, or to your school, or to wherever you want to go for your deals. I don't mind, as doing this allows me to spend more time with you.

I don't mind, what my friends say, or the look on their faces, when they know i go to your area almost everyday after school just so that we can complete our homework together and to see each other. I don't mind them making fun of me. I don't mind, as in these moments we get to share what we did the whole day, and we get to make each other smile after a long hard day, or laugh over funny incidents that had happened.

I don't mind, when you call me late at night when i am sleeping, even after a long tiring day. A call at such a late time would mean you'd have something important to share with me, and i'd be more than happy to accompany you through the night.

I don't mind, when you have to cut an outing short because you're feeling ill. I'd rather see you nestled in bed on the way to a quick recovery, rather then you tag me everywhere with a stoned look on your face. I'd want you to smile when you're with me, just like the way i smile everytime im with you.

I don't mind, when you point out how dark i am, or how frizzy my hair is, or how i look like a boy sometimes. It hurts, but i don't mind. Cause it makes me remember to keep myself pretty and proper like a girl just so it please you (and myself).

I don't mind, when you sms me "Hey.. Can call me now?" a dozen times a day, as i love listening to your happy voice chattering non stop over a profitable handphone deal, or the discovery of a new song or something like that, and to hear you laugh gleefully over the phone.

I don't mind, when you jokingly punch/tickle/smack me, but ended up hurting me a little. I don't mind, as it makes me smile to see you laugh.

I don't mind most of the stuff that you say sorry to me for. I don't mind, as i love you.

2005-05-06T20:21:00.000+08:00

The aftermath mood of Team JJ on the hockey pitch after the game against ACJC was a totally different experience for me. Never have i thought, in my 30plus days in the team, i'd actually feel very sad and disappointed when we lost 1 - nil.

Unlike the past two games, where we drawed with PJC, and won 2 - nil against TPJC, the 11 players on field came back to the bench in a sombre melancholy mood. Rai, Dewi and a few others were already beginning to shed tears.

I could understand why; this match was important to them. It was sort of a "make-or-break" session. A win would get us to the semi-finals. A draw would raise our chances. A loss... A loss makes the goal seem farfetched, speacially with VJC as a final contender. Furthermore, with Amalina (the captain) in hospital due to an accident 3 days ago, they had wanted to give Ama's mind a rest.

In the end, i guess they knew that they had done their best. Dewi was an exceptional goalie today, blocking a lot (and i mean a LOT) of goal-attempts by the opposition during the short corners.

As for me, I cheered/shouted myself silly. Nyeah!

School was fine today, i guess. It was a short day, seeing that the hockey players were dismissed at 11am. The malay gals and I decided to enter Cikgu Isa's class 15 mins late, which meant that i stayed in the classroom for a mere 15 mins before saying

"Cikgu.. Nurul and I have to go off already."

"So early? What for?"

"Hockey girls are having a tournament today lah, Cikgu."

"Go go. Later they'll award you a certificate playing hockey"

Ouch. What sarcasm. So Cikgu Isa. hahaha. Citot nyer cikgu.For your info, Cikgu Isa is the father of my neigbour next door. Although he doesnt live with them, i still have to jaga myself because i'm afraid he'll complain to my neighbour and neighbours being neighbours, will pass on the message to my mom. Oof! We don't what that to happen don't we? Bluek.

Such a small world.

2005-05-04T19:52:00.000+08:00

Mental Note to self: NEVER go to a polyclinic again. Or if need be, go at 7am and add one more person to the already abundant list of Kiasu Singaporeans.

Due to my churning bowels which flushed itself 4times last night and thrice this morning even though i did not eat anything, i half-heartedly (kapui~) decided not to go to school to avoid the risk of pooping in my skirt. So i dialed up the other half, and he too decided not to go to school to finally go to the doctors to check the cause of the pain in his chest.

So by 1030am, i met up with him and together we trudged to the place. Being a first timer in the polyclinic (henceforth known as PLC), i was happy to see the short queue in front of the building. So i happily queued up behind this Nonya, and when i got my number and after the nurse behind the counter said

"Your appointment with the doctor is at 1pm ok?"

I happily went outside to wait for the other half, who was behind me in the queue. He caught me before i went too far and exclaimed

"Eh! You haven't register yet you already go out!"

"Register already what. (Holds out queue number) There! You also have kan?"

"Otak you. That number is for the queue to register!"

Whoopsydaisy. So i returned inside grudgingly and almost collapsed to the floor in fits when i saw an uber alot amount of people waiting to register, and that my number was waaay behind the current registree. Defeated, the other half and i grabbed seats and entertained ourselves with games on his s700i and 3230.

"Eh you. Shoot shoot!"

"Where?!"

"There lah!"

"Where?!"

Kapoooooossshh. (Power cut off in the PLC)

The scenario happened again and again, and our wait was lengthen as the nurses had to restart the computers multiple times. Bah! After the long wait at the registration, the doctor's office, the X-Ray (for the other half) and lastly the pharmacy, the trip to the PLC finally ended at 330pm (thats around 4 hours burned at the stupid clinic, mind you).

I was charged a minute amount of $4.70 for my consultation, mc, as well as Charcoal while the other half was charged $18.40 for his X-Ray, chest checkup, consultation, mc, as well as medicine.

Oh well, i guess cheap things do come at a price.

2005-05-03T22:51:00.000+08:00

To whom it may concern *smiles*

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving

Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together

Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might
find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone
when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you,
not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be,
we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together (mmm)

I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up, you look so
pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together...

2005-05-03T16:05:00.000+08:00

I apologise to anyone who's been reloading my page daily only to be presented the same old things being rewritten again and again. For those who have failed to read the tag written by the other half, my computer had crashed yet again and truthfully i couldnt be bothered to really get down to repair it.

One reason, and only one reason can explain my actions: the existance of busyness (if theres such a word). School has been a neverending chore, with Economics homework coming in turrents. The only thing that gets me through the day are my new friends (who i will talk about one fine day when im free) as well as the prospect of meeting the other half other school to complete our homework together.

The only reason i have time to type this entry is because i didnt go for my Hockey practice cuz im having sliiiight diarrhoea. Yes my dears, im in the school hockey team. This saturday after training for 3 hours under the hot blistering sun, i looked into the mirror and found a chaotarer (blacker) version of me. Its true. After not meeting Luqman for roughly a month, the first thing he said to me was

"You in Hockey school team isit?"

"Yah.. Why?"

"No wonder you're so much more darker now."

I have commited skin suicide. Bah. Currently toying with the idea of quitting the team after the tournament. Would looooove to quit now, but since ive taken up the responsibility to be a substitute, i shall not let the team down. Furthermore, i love the jerseys and the mini skirt that comes along with it. hehe.

Oh one shocking news (especially to old friends). I'm in Malay Dance! wahahah. When i told Hakim and Lukman about this, they were practically laughing their asses off in disbelief. The conversations went something to this tune;

"Eh im in Malay Dance tau."

"...."

"Oi! Why are you so quiet? Im not joking lah!"

"Fadhilah? Malay Dance?"

"Yah.. Why?"

"Haaaaahahaha" (Laughter continues till the end of time)

But for now Malay Dance aint really a favourite. Too much animosity between the J1s and J2s. Apparently the J2s hate us, saying that we have bad attitude. However, i guess the J2s who said that hasnt noticed the big mirror on the danceroom wall.

They expect us to prance around like experts when we haven't even danced a single step of Malay Dance in our entire life. They dont even make us feel welcomed on the first day of our dance practice. And to add on to that, some of them thing that they're great at dancing. Truthfully, the only person who dances extremely well would be Natasha. And even she isnt smug like you guys! (pfft. i presume someone is bound to come across this article soon).

Oh and for the record, the reason why Dana, Radhiya and I dont want to dance for Cikgu's wedding is because it was very last minute, and we'd be a hindrance to YOUR dance. Let me ask you, is that having back attitude? BAH.

Phew! That was a load off my chest. Kahkahkah. Anyway, i admit i suck in dancing malay dance. Im not so flexible ah. Haha.

Alright, i guess thats that. Im kinda sleepy now. Good Evening.

2005-04-15T13:54:00.000+08:00

Whilst running to scare pe'ah from the back, i tripped and fell flat on the grass/track, and cut/bruise myself. I deserved that huh. They were all laughing at me instead of helping me. boohoo. what friends i have.

And somehow he's unreachable since just now.

Sigh.

2005-04-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

I am full of hope.

But till then, i shall wait and see.

If all goes well, i shall elaborate.

If not... Then i shall implode.

*kappffftt*

2005-04-13T21:37:00.000+08:00

A quick entry before i dive into my 500 word history essay regarding Industrialization in Europe which brought about colonization. *pfft*

Yesterday i decided to go for the hockey training, and i have mostly positive reviews about it. The sun was shining, the running only consists of 1 round around the track, the playing was great. The only bad side was the fact that i was quite bad on my first contact with the stick, and was not chosen to practice with the J2s, unlike the rest of my malay mates. boohoo. =( im so pathetic.

Oh oh. and i think that i must have held the stick wrongly, or had a wrong posture, cuz now im having a massive backache on the left side of my spine which stops me from sitting down for too long a period. baah! How to play hockey you tell me?

Today i had yoga for the first time in my life. Took a couple of pictures of my friends and i in retarded positions, but decided not to paste them up in case they turn against me. haha! It was funny lah. Really funny. You guys should sign up for yoga. All together now. "Lie down with your hands by your side, palms facing the air, legs not touching (but not too far apart) and close your eyes. Feel the energy flooooow~"

Kahkahkah. i laughed till i cried. Oh and before i go, Claire Chan if you're reading this, i apologise. i know ive been a bad friend, but i still love you, and i hope you understand that you live so blardy far away, and i am usually broke so its hard for me to go out with you. I am very very sorry. And i do miss you, even if you dont miss me anymore =)

The industrialization in europe marked the...

2005-04-11T19:44:00.000+08:00

I attended my GP module for the first time today - "Prejudice and Discrimination". When we were asked to form our own groups, automatically, as if a blind force was pushing us, the chinese grouped with fellow chinese and the minority groups (malays + indians) grouped together.

The teacher frowned, then smiled. He asked us

"Will someone please tell me, why in a module where you are supposed to put aside discrimination and prejudice, the majority and the minority groups are divided?"

Wanting to get it off my chest for so long, i whined

"Cher. I gave up. Since sec 1, ive been trying to mix with the chinese, but most, i say most, not all, are not willing to mix with me. They tend to forget the presence of the minority group, and start speaking in mandarin. Even after countless reminders, they still do it. Im too tired to even try again. The same thing happened to me this morning. I had to remind my groupmates to speak in English for around 3 times in a 10mins conversation, but alas, the conversation still started and ended in Mandarin. It pisses me off."

The chinese teacher held a surprised look on his face, turned grim, and said

"I agree with you."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Whilst on the bus with Shafiah to return home, we sat in the middle portion of the bus. At the back, a group of anak abu Malay lower sec students from Jurong Secondary sat and were making a helluva noise. The way they spoke, it was as if the bus was 100m long and they wanted to communicate with the driver.

Now that wasnt the main point. No, that wasnt. Halfway through their loud mindless banter revolving mat and minah issues (which, if i might add, contained alot of Sial and words to that effect), they noticed Shafiah and I, the JC students sitting upfront. Then one guy raised his voice and ~~said~~ shouted (in Mat malay language, of course)

"Ah JC students sey! You think you JC you so big ah sial?"

That, and of course with a series of expletives and phrases which i can't understand. STEREOTYPES! Bloody nuggets. I still dont understand to this day why students from poly and ite hate (discriminate) students from JC. Yah, so we entered JC. its just another school what! Another institution! I dont go around with my nose high up in the air and making fun of all of you! I have friends from poly AND ite. So what right do you have to say that i think im big?

Bloody stereotypers. Thinking of them make my blood boil. C'mon lah! If you want to criticise me please at least have some evidence. BAH! *grrrrr*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Desperate housewives up at 10pm. Yay i so cant wait.

Goodnight.

2005-04-10T21:34:00.000+08:00

Mushy entry. Dont enter.

And the whole day i was left smiling to myself. As we were sat down on our respective chairs, facing each other, he took out the Livestrong band on his wrist, asked me for my hand, and slipped it on mine. He then leaned close and whispered "I love you, Faddy". And the best part? His smell is so distinct on the band! now i smell him everywhere i go. hehehe.

Then when we were supposed to part, i went off first since he was still occupied with some hp stuff at his friend's shop. 2 mins later, i received a call, and there he was running after me, wanting to accompany me to wait for the bus.

Gaaaah. At times like these i cant help falling in love all over again. hahaha.

Faddy <3s you loads.

2005-04-10T11:58:00.000+08:00

Sunday morning.

Hang wet laudry? Check.
Swept the floor? Check.
Washed the dishes? Check.
Cleaned your room? Check.
Packed up your homework? Check.
Get ready for studydate? Check.

Now all i need is his sms to tell me that he's on his way. Hurry up, Dear! I can't wait to dive into the wonderful world of economics/history/ao maths! Baaaaaaah. I hate having homework.

An excerpt from a new friendster testimonial from a classmate of mine during the first 3 months:

.. hahas.. she so cute and minah. she actually made me feel a bit intimidated at 1st wheneva she does dat u die thingy..

Me? Minah? hahaa. Gosh i was laughing when i read that. I think most chinese's definition of Minah would be a non-nerdish malay grrl. bah! But i do agree with the fact that i intimidate people. First impressions people have of me (BEFORE i open my mouth and blabber nonsense, that is)

"KEREK SAK MUKA!"

Which means i have an arrogant face. nanaa. but the moment i open my mouth, everyone (well, most) people like me. wahaha. Basically, the impression that most people will have on me is that im a crazy, nice and funny person. Which is good, but rather boring. I want someone to have a different opinion about me, not the same old same old. Im rambling. Faris, where art thou?

2005-04-09T10:53:00.000+08:00

*EDITED* at 4:42pm.

Envisioning the cool crisp air and the awesome sunrise outside, i dragged myself out of bed at 6am, got ready, and went to meet the other half for a morning jog.

The weather was perfecto, excluding the sudden but short drizzle in the middle of the run. My staminapower has decreased to 50% of what it was last year, which equates to 25% of what it was in my netball days. I am very VERY sad. It was like.. i totally zonked out after running 500m. hahaha! But i dragged myself on, and managed to complete 1.5km. Not bad lah tu. Tommorow morning i'll set the target to 2km. Insyallah. Talking about physical fitness, i have signed up for 2 CCAs for the 2 years i'll be in JJC.

The first - HOCKEY. haha. Actually i quite dread the training and the running, ESPECIALLY the running, but i guess i'd look cool carrying a hockey stick around. *sssh did i just say that aloud? hahaha* and the fact that i'd like to try something new, and my brother can help me along too since he's in his school's hockey team.

My second - Malay Cultural Society. haha. Not surprising ey? Last i heard my school's MCS is currently rather defunct, sadly, but they're working hard trying to revive it once again, due to the increasing number of malay students in the school. yayness. And if tasha becomes the president, im sure we'll have some plays to stage soon. yayness.

The other half currently owns an XDA II mini. I, Nur Fadhilah, am very jealous, and was seriously considering running away with it, if not for the fact that he runs faster then me, and has more stamina. (and even i were to get in a cab and escape, he knows where i live. BAH) The phone/pda has everythiiiiiiiiiing. Damnit.

I effing HATE my internet connection. Something is seriously going haywire with my house's phone/internet connections. I get practically ZERO network in my room and the living room, and the internet is WORSE then 56kb. Waiting for this page to load alone took 10mins. I've GOT to complain about it to starhub soon. BAH. and singtel also.

So anyway, its still cool outside. The kinda weather you just feel like hiding between the blankets, with nothing but a light on, a good book to read and soft jazzy music (cue Micheal Buble, Jason Mraz and John Mayer) in the background. Ah. The Emo days. kahkahkah. Since ive got two English novels and 1 Malay novel which ive not yet touched, i think i'm staying home to read the whole day today.

*chuckles* Or i just might be sleeping.

EDIT BEGINS.

And so here i am, roughly 6 hours after the above entry. Ive accomplished nothing except a good sleep, 2 hours of random bloghopping, and a currently emofied mind. From Podah's blog i managed to bloghop to a few interesting blogs, like this one or this one.

~~Its been 10 months since the other half and i have got together. We've had~~ Nah that shall be reserved for another day. I'm hungry. I think i shall cook myself some maggi, or some fried rice.

2005-04-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

My internet has been crawling. Hopefully not to a stop.

Whilst eating lunch this afternoon, i amazed myself at the scenario i was stuck in the middle in.

To my left was a group of makciks-makciks and two teenage girls, presumably their offsprings. An obvious case of Mak borek anak rintik. The whole gang clad in tight black blouses and skirts, cigarettes clutched between fingers, blonde (dyed duh) hair tossed every few seconds. By Makcik i meant around 30 to 40 years of age.

To my right was a group of pakciks-pakciks. The typical dangdut kind. Clad in mat-rocker gear, long hair, cigarette pose and bottles of Heineken and Carlsberg on the table.

And so i ate in peace, once a while stealing glances at both sides and trying to eavesdrop on their conversation, the kpo girl that i am.

Then one of the pakcik got up, went to the ladies table, and said a corny pick-up line. I almost died laughing. The other half was shaking his head and guffawing.

Old habits die hard.

Bah. Stupid unorganised entry. Im chatting with Farez now, on some play he's writing. This aught to be fun.