I have moved to a bigger, better location. Click here to proceed to my new abode. So long and good night!

Like most blogs, this one's moving. So long and good night. When i finally have time (and the energy) to create a new blog, i shall and i will, inform you guys. Take good care of yourselves, and i still AM reading ur blogs.

Don't trouble yourself. Ramblings ahead.

I feel like breaking away from life for a while. I feel like going away to some deserted island all alone, to enjoy the sun, the sand and the sea without anyone making remarks about my skin, my hair, the way i look, the way i behave. I feel claustrophobic.

On the outside i behave normally. But i'm kinda sick of everything. I'm sick of you repeating "cacat cacat cacat" like its some fucking mantra which will earn you tickets to get to heaven. Fara stroke the right chords when she asked

"Fad.. Don't you feel anything when people do that?"

I had grinned and shrugged. What can i do? If i make a big fucking fuss out of it, people will start saying that i can't take jokes. I guess its funny in the beginning, or when it comes up once in a while, but when you repeat it every single day to me, every time you meet me, its fucking annoying and makes me fucking irritated. Yeah, you say that and i laugh (oscar award winner) and they laugh and im the comic relief for the day. yay. Im tired of being the comic relief every single day, and the best part is that i dont even get paid. Isnt there just ONE fucking day you can give it a rest?

Im tired of being told how under-average or average i look. I KNOW im dark. I KNOW my hair's a mess. I KNOW i have slight odour. I KNOW im short. I KNOW i look like a boy. You know i cant do anything about it, and that i've tried my best. I look at myself in the mirror every single day and all the remarks i hear come back to me and day after day i see an uglier me looking back from the other side. Its taking a toll on me. I want to be beautiful like you, like them, but if im born with this pigmentation, this hair, this DNA, what can i do about it?

I don't understand fucking french revolution. I don't understand whatever shit that's coming out of her mouth every lesson, and i can't seem to understand even after reading the fuckin notes.

I'm not gonna get my A in Economics even though i studied for days for it. I'm not gonna get good grades for my Malay A as i absolutely find the lessons a BORE. Never would i have thought Sastera would be a bore. i want my higher malay teacher back.

Im fucking tired. And i don't know who to turn to to pour out all my emotions. Im fucked up. I'm close to noone right now, except for the other half. and he's sick and i don't want to bother him. I've let Claire down. I've let my friends down. I've let myself down. Im tired. Im tired. Am i having a nervous breakdown?

I move like a clockwork robot these days. I don't mind helping people, but i fucking hate it when you step over my head just because i don't make a big deal.

I am in need of someone to fill up this hole in me right now. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me everything is gonna be ok. I need someone to wipe the tears that are streaming down my face. I need someone who will tell me that all these physical appearances really doesnt matter. I need a friend. Oh wow i sound fucking desperate.

And if you're one of my JJmates who happen to read this, i'd appreciate if you don't talk about it to me in school. Thanks a bunch.

Im tired. Im tired. Im tired. I want to break away. I want to break away. I want to break away. I want to be special. I want to be special. I want to be special. I want to feel loved. I want to feel loved. I want to feel loved.

Maybe im just experiencing moodswings. sigh.

Both the other half and i are recovering from sore throats, flu, and mild fever. Please give us your well wishes, or subsidize us for a trip to the doctor.

PS. I have the right not to use the donations for the trip to the doctors but instead something that will make me even healthier, lets say a blast from my own iPod mini, or straight hair or something to that effect.

It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you

Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile
It's all about you

Then you whispered in my ear and you told me to
Said you make my life worth while
It's all about you

And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do

So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles it's all about you
Yeah

(Guitar Solo)

And I would answer all your wishes if you asked me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses don't know what I'd do

So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes you make my life worth while
So I told you with a smile

It's all about you
It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you baby
It's all about you, it's all about you
It's all about you.

Yesterday morning i got out of the house to go for "hockey training". haha. Well, actually it was so that i could meet up with the other half and spend the whole day proper with him, since we've not met much in the past week.

I went over to his area, and there we ate breakfast; him and his Malaysian-brand Chicken, and me and my spaghetti. As usual, we ordered Cheng Tng to go along with it. After filling up our tummy, we planned to go John's shop (a handphone shop), but to no avail, as the shop was still closed.

So we started walking to the 154 busstop, to go to Clementi. As we were walking, a huuuge building loomed over us, and in it was the hustle bustle of people. Both of us were stunned.

"Eh you... Since when is this building open? I thought they were still building it?"

"Yah.. Thats what i thought too.. But how come the shops all like so fast open already?"

"Ayoyo. You live like right next to this building and you don't even know its open for use already?"

"Maybe we've been trapped in time, Faddy. Maybe we were sleeping for the past 1 week. Thats why we don't know about this."

"Uhm.."

And so we headed towards the 3-storey market cum foodcourt and explored the whole area. The other half was amazed at the amount of Sugarcane drink stalls, and wanted to buy one. But after peering into his wallet only to find BIG change, he decided not to. And thus concludes our mini-exploration at the market.

We continued walking to the faraway busstop, the sun beating down on our backs. The other half suddenly stopped under the tree, right smack in the middle of its shadow. I slowed down next to him and he said

"Eh its freaking hot lah."

"Yah so? What can you do about it?"

"Why not, from this shade, we run to that shadow of the tree opposite there, then we walk in the railings's shadow and make a dash towards the bustop."

"But your route so many hot spots, must sprint somemore."

"Aiyah. Then you plan lah!"

"How about, we walk under this shade that we're on, towards the blocks. Then we walk under the block, all the way to the bustop."

"(Intimidated by my cleverness)
Eeee. Lame. Like small kid want to hide from the sun."

Buh! haha. So we continued on the normal route, and had to run for the bus. We hopped on it, and in a matter of minutes, we reached Empress, Clementi. I have to say i hate the rise in cinema rates right now. We used to have to pay 5bucks for a movie at empress, now its 7 bucks. 2 bucks! 2 bucks! (4 bucks for him since he was treating) He wanted to watch House Of Wax due to the existance of Paris Hilton *cough* boobs *cough*, but due to my pestering we decided to watch Kingdom Of Heaven.



30 mins into the movie, the other half was already snoring, his drool tarnishing the cardigan i gave him to use as a pillow. Tsk 7 bucks just to sleep. haha. As for me, i held on in the first few boring minutes, and was awarded with a great middle and last portion. Orlando's hair kept me intrigued throughout the movie though. haha. It was a good movie (i prefer troy), and i was surprised that the Muslims were potrayed as honourable people, while the Christians somehow took a slight whipping. Quoted from Ridjal, "this is surprising coming from Hollywood". Oh well~

And so, 2hrs 15 mins later, with me smiling and liking the movie, and the other half stoned from his 1hr30mins of sleep, he asked

"So whats the movie all about?"

Ayoyoyo. Lame lah my boyfriend. haha. So i spent 10 minutes explaining to him what the movie was all about. From there, we headed to West Coast Park's McDonalds, and stayed studying all the way till 930pm. I wrapped up my Econs test studying, and he finished 3/4 of his loooong maths worksheet.

And thus i reached home at 1030pm, soaked in the rain, and sneezing all the way, only to find out upon reaching home that the whole family was sick. Tada! haha. So later on, my mom's going to accompany Fauzi to the Doc's and i have to take care of the shop till she comes back. Aiyayayai. Ok im late. Supposed to be ready by 10 (its 9:44 am now), and yet i still have not bathed. hehe!

I could have stayed in that position for the rest of my life and not get sick of it.

It is a cool Saturday morning. Rain is going to pour in turrents in a matter of minutes. Here are the reply to tags that i've promised.

Reply to tags:

Ady: Ah yer aku dah link kau. Kau spell nama aku salah. nak kene jitak?

Ah Boi: OOhh wee. Yeap2 who wouldnt love that fone! oh and thanks for the rather inspiring words about my hockey training. you should sign up for yoga, though. ermm.. i fell face-first. *malu malu*

Ain: Oh that guy's your abang angkat. You two do look very similar though. Oh and i didnt use photoshop. Just used 'microsoft paint'. uhm and ure welcome about the advice thingy.

Arikazari: Have a nice day too Johnny John John.

Aziz: Haha. Thats cause you have work too, my dear boy. As for me, im free and easy, thats why i can take 2 ccas. Oh and thanks for the compliment! =) btw, only JJC has much camaraderie. hehe. chey~

Diana: haha. thanks dik. =) wats ur blog addie uh?

Ditri: Wa'alaikumsalam. fad sihat wala'fiat. faris ckp dia dah jaga fad sebaik2nyer. haha.

Duan: haha. You survived my mushy entry! Thou shall be rewarded with a certificate from me. Please collect at the nearest post office! Thanks for the good week wishes. and for the record, i fell face-first. *malu malu*

Fana: Yeap dats what i thought too. But then again, they shouldnt stereotype. Many many of my JC friends arent like that. buh!

Farez: respect for me? haha. i hope so, farez. i hope so.

Faris: Thanks dear for informing the peeps. kehkehke.

Farn: Booooh!! i cant watch GSC cuz im broke. Would you like to sponsor me?.. haha. taik tercicir kepe. Gross~

Fefe: yay yay! Fad dah update blog! u mean u always read my blog ker? tag banyak2 k? haha.

Husna: Nyeah nyeah! Yoga's good but its damn hilarious.

Idza: haha. yeap cikgu isa's one unique character. so fun his class.. NOT. haha.

Irfan: Neh stupidity doesnt have its limits. Go wild babeh! and yes, i am chaotarer. Hanguser. aaaaahh!! Whitening cream! here i come!

Kimi: haha. great to be single? i guess so. but with faris, its great to be attached. eheeeeeeeeehehe! pasal yang sweet entry tu, aku kan senantiasa very sweet. mcm kau tak tau gitu eh. hahaha!

Kinky: Hhaha. Ok this is so overdue, but kinky, welcome back from KL! hahaha.

Malihha: Welcome, mally. I hope you're doing fine. I miss you too beb, i apologise for not contacting much. i have tons of homework lah. when you dah masok poly you'll see what i mean. Sigh.

Nalisa: AKU RINDU KAU LAH DEY. cuma aku takde time nak chatting2 sangat. Help me murder my econs teacher and i WILL talk to you and kinky all night long. PROMISE!

Nas: Hello Nas. Bye Nas.

Nazeera: School's fine babe. The malay community has erupted into around 40 peeps, and around 20 of us are rather close. yay! Hmm. I hate PW too! Luckily my group aint that bad.

Nurul: Yerlah2. You helped me sign up for hockey. pfft. hehe. thanks nurul.

Sal: Neh. That point of time my com was down uh. But yes, i am VERY buzy though. pui!

The star: haha. And i thought i was the only one who was drama-mama. lupernyer everyone like that. may i know who you are?

Xiuz: Haha. Havent you heard? Faddy has changed man! Faddy has changed! Im now more matured. feweeet! and yes, i do miss you guys. boohoo. oh congrats for being in the top 2 JC bands in singapore! i guess you'll be more band-mad now right?

Oh wow! Another photo of me after such a long while. I truly thing ive become less photogenic, and it makes me so depressed. Boohoo! I don't look good in real life, so i was so happy that i looked nice in pics. But now i look ugly in both. Boohoo! Notice my uber dark skin. Nyeah!


This is Sangitah the cacat. She's so cacat but people fail to notice that, instead everyone of my friends call ME cacat. Life is unfair. Oh if she looks familiar, thats because she was in JJ during the first 3 months also. The BREASTident of the Society. Old habits die hard, she still thinks she's the chioest girl in school. *pukes* hahaha.


This minah seducer wannabe had made so many enemies in school on day one because of her minah looks. I bet none of you will disagree. haha. The first time i saw her, i was like "Oh sheesh this kind of Minah also can get into JJ". I was like so full of distaste for her ah. But after being posted into the same class, this clever minah is one of my closest friends, and i can safely say she is very UNminah. A 100% good example of Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover. An arab+chinese mix.


The girl on the left is Natasha. She's actually a J2, but somehow she got herself confused during admin day and now she's still stuck in J1. Sadly, for the J1s. This girl is by far the most talkative in the group. For example, she talked for 2hrs STRAIGHT this morning when the whole lot of us ponteng Malay lessons. She holds strong views on different stuff, and rarely does she sway in her stand. Most of the J1s respect her alot, i guess. I do.

The girl on the right is in the same class as me. Noridana. She's like the mak (Mother) of the group. She's the one who will go "Did you do your work? Why arent you doing your work? Fadhilah, don't give Fara the answer! How will she ever learn? Can you all stop talking?" and on and on and on. You can say she's the most sensible one in the group uh. But we all love her very much cuz she's like the person who reminds us to keep work and play balanced. Oh and Dana, HAPPY BIRTHDAY beb!


This is Radhiyah. At first we all thought she was the silent kind, the kind of person who doesnt gossip and all. But suddenly out of the blue, she opens her mouth and out spouts bitchy gossip that was much bitchier then ours! haha. We were all like flabbergasted. Turns out she's the kind who keeps quiet and notices stuff. She talks with this very cute accent and sometimes blur like sotong.


Irahhhh. This girl very the miang even though she has a 7year relationship with her boyfriend (woah!). I'm not really close to her, but what i do know is that she's super good in economics as her mom's an econs teacher at SRJC, and she's very helpful.


Ok then, i need to do my homework now. Don't forget to leave a tag! I'll reply tomorrow night or Saturday morning. i PROMISE! hahahha. nonsense~

The Toa Payoh stadium was ringing with cheers from both sides of the arena; Nanyang JC against Jurong Jc. One after another, either side of the stadium would erupt with synchronised clappings and movements. I have to say, JJ's cheers were much more impressive; we had much complicated cheers whilst all they did was

"N *clap* Y *clap* NYJC"

C'mon lah. All of us already learnt spelling in kindergarden. *sniggers* haha. Ok i'm just being cocky cause we won. It was a very close fight, the end score was 3-2 (JJ being 3 of course). Haha. But it was not only the volleyball team which was impressive, the whole school cheering as one was really very touching too. Silly me *almost* teared lah. hahha! Ok emotional moment here folks.

So during the last set, where both teams were drawed at 2sets each, with JJ leading 14 - 8, the whole school was jumping around like monkeys, going bonkers. One after another, cheers were shouted. Everyone was in a good mood, who wouldn't when your school is in the lead? haha. So when Team JJ scored that final 15 points, the roof fell down due to too much vibration from the cheers that followed and we all died my mates and i were hugging each other, slapping each other's backs and screaming out cheers like nothing else mattered. kahkahkah.


Much congratulations to the JJ Volleyball team!



The weather was really nice today, almost perfect if the temperature would go down a little. After the match, i met up with the other half. The initial plan was to sit down somewhere together to catch up on our respective homeworks, but we ended up eating a spring chicken which he bought, going to Jurong East to buy his d500c (after selling his black V3) and having a ball of a time playing this "Free Kick" game on his handphone.

Bliss.Bliss.Bliss.Bliss.Bliss.

Its 10:16pm right now. By midnight, i'd have to complete my Preliminary Idea for my Project Work and my Maths Tutorials. Gahhh! Got to go guys. Tag replies on weekend. Promise!

We sat there, under the shining stars with the breeze slightly caressing our body. Occasionally, an MRT would rumble by, breaking the silence that was between us. We just sat there, not talking, not touching, only hearing the voices ringing in our heads. I would glance at his scrunched up face, his eyebrows downturn and tight, his lips grim. But i knew that i could do nothing except to sit by him and let him know of my presence. I'd then look up at the trees swaying with the wind, my heart heavy with worry for him.

For a few minutes, we sat like that. I could say it was the longest real silence between us; a silence that somehow speaks a thousand words by itself.

He then tilted his head towards me, and spilled out the worries that was burdening him. I could only listen and sympathise; i can't place myself in his shoes, as i have not, and i don't think will, undergo what he's going through. I listened, nodded and comforted him. At that moment i really wished i could take away some of the stress he feels... Take care of yourself, dear. I really hope you won't give up. Hold on and you can get through this, trust me. I'll be here to accompany you if you need anything.

Other then that, Team JJ hockey was thrashed by VJC. No comments. The score was too absurd that i don't think anyone felt the pinch. hahaha. *shrugs*