Ahh. The song belaian Jiwa does bring back alot of memories, right kin[k]i kin kin. heh. Sitting on my windowsill deep in the night, the song calming my nerves, yet bringing tears to the eye. Jiwang beb. Maha Jiwang. heh. Voted for Taufik from my own pockets!
Eid Mubarak is approaching, and yet, it felt as if i have not fast enough yet. Ive not been a good Muslim at all during this fasting month, skipping some of the Solats, not going terawih, listening to more Metal songs instead of berzikir-ing and some other stuffs which, i shall keep private. Im sorry God. I really am. Actually i cant wait for the next fasting month to prove to myself that i can behave really well for 1 month. Just 1 month. Haish. This year, i realise that the prospect of celebrating Aidilfitri doesnt appeal to me as much as it does before. Maybe its due to my OLevels, but maybe.. maybe its due to the fact that ive not been a good muslim. Its true what they say you know, the only people who really feel the true Syawal groove in them are the ones who actually embrace Ramadhan fully. Not been doing so this year. Haish. Depressed. Depressed.
Got to know one of my cuzzy is now being reprimanded at the Police Station since 4am in the morning for illegal gathering. Haish. And its 2 days before Aidilfitri. Hope he manages to get out soon. Must be devastating for the mom.
Argh. Raya songs playing in the background, but they still are not playing my favourite! You know.. the one that goes..
"tontakola. Kain langsir ela ela. Nenek rambut putih. Datuk janggut merah. Emak jangan meleter. Bapak jangan marah. Jangan masok kolong. Hari ini hari raya!". heh.
My second year celebrating Raya without my nenek. Allahyarhamha Fatimah. Celebrations on my mom's side have been different somehow without her. We no longer get to see all of our relatives on the first day. So sad.
I miss my darl. I cant wait for the day that i can spend with him without anything bothering us. From sunrise to the next sunrise. Where we can just enjoy each other's company (without memoteking, just comfort), a book in hand, basketfull of foods and drinks, where we can enjoy the scenery. hah. dream on fad.
Currently waiting for Ashrithaa's or Claire's call to study together in the afternoon. Hope its not cancelled. Unreliable people these two frens of mine. bleargh. haha. Always cancelling stuff at the last minute, or coming down an hr late. sheesh.
Orait then. Think i shud head for the bathroom. I stink. And i have phelgm somewhere on my shirt. huaargahah. Had a coughing fit yesterday so terok, dat phelgm spilled all over the rubbish bin and my shirt. Felt like shit man. My throat is red and my voice is hoarse. Mom offered me money to go to the docs, which meant i dun have to fast, which meant i have to repay back more next time. Fergeddit man. I told her that wudnt it be better if she gave me the money to go shop2? she whacked me with tons of naggings, leaving me scampering for shelter in my room.
Ok ok one last paragraph. I can say im in a good mood today, despite being sick and all. Cuz i had a great dream yesterday. I dreamt that mommy bought me a GIBSON LESPAUL VOODOO. huaargahahha. And bought for Fauzi a Zildjian drum set, and for Farhan, an unidentified bass. so me and my brothers formed a band. huargahhahaha. Mane aku tak happy? Oh well. Even though it was only a dream, i did manage to hold a Gibson LesPaul in it. heeehee.
Love,
Nur Fadhilah.
