Peace be upon you.

The gals came over today, by gals i meant Ashrithaa, Claire and XiuLi. From 3:30pm to 8:30pm, i managed to overcome my depression and all.We had fun, we did. Playing the Xbox (which, claire and ash so sucked at), talking/joking, drawing hennas.

When they were gone, all the negativity came back. Specially my mom adding on to it, by giving me a scolding due to the black painted nails. For God's sake, not like i can't wash them off. Today is such a bad day.

And yes, he changed his phone again. Less then a week ago, he used a 6260 den yesterday he bought a 7610 and today he sold that phone to buy a Ps2 and planning to save up for a k700i. Im speechless, so i have no comments.

And no, Fifi's not online to pass me the Raya pics, Leha. So perhaps next time. No promises.

Im going off tomorrow at 1030am to Senai. Will be gone for 2 days.

This is bad. I'm usually giving advises to people to cheer up, to move on, but im not following my own advices. Guess its true; talking is easy, but doing it is hard.

This sucks.

Currently my aunt and her family are eating in my dining table. Im so f*d up looking at the amount of plates i have to wash.

I aint getting the positivity.
I aint getting the smiles.
I aint getting what i deserve.
I aint getting the attention.
I aint getting shite.

Most of all,
I aint getting myself.
DAMNIT. why am i so f*ing paranoid?

Why do people say "Why are you so dark?"
Why do people say "Why are you so tomboy-ish?"
Why do people say all the things that pull me down day in day out.
Can't you see im trying?!

All the things the people around me say affect me, whether i deny it or not. All the things they say make me realise how under average i look. Everyday i tell myself, that im not that bad, that i look ok, that i look fine. But the words they say, are like stones on a slingshot, breaking down the fragile wall of confidence ive built.

And i grow paranoid, i grow insecure.

Nur Fadhilah