Goodbye. 

Peace be upon you.

So much for my cousins' hatred for me due to my "smartness". smartness my arse.

Ive disappointed myself to tears, and i dont want to feel the same way for the Os.

Came up with a life-changing (riiite) decision :

I and this beloved blog are going on a hiatus until the Os are over.

Goodbye, and i'll see whoever wants to see me back in approximately 2 months.

Wish me all the best aight. I need all the wishes i can get.

Oh, especially tonight, since its Nisfu Syaban.

Love,

Asslamualaikum,

Nur Fadhilah Bte Wahid.

Peace be upon you.

uh. that last entry was mega messy. Sheesh. blogger.. blogger..

Anyway, guys, call me attention seeker or whatever you want, im beyond care. i myself have done no wrong and since ive done nothing wrong, why should i kick up a fuss? So therefore i close the topic of the attention seeking thing.

haha.

Love,
Fadhilah shakes head.

Peace be upon you.

xx Happy 100th entry dear blog xx

Ive decided to do away with iweb as ie received numerous complaints about the amount of pop ups. Will try to get a new source for music soon. Anyone any idea?

The moon is full and round and yellow. Beware of lurking werewolves (aka Fana) and beware of me. I'm having major cravings for cheesecake whilst looking at the moon.

A lot has happened today, i can safely say. I got two surprises for myself, both good and horribly bad, and ive really disappointed myself.

English - A2. (not bad. i was praying for a b3.)

Literature - c6.

C6. i get a bloody c6 for my literature. I am utterly speechless, broke down the moment i got my paper. Where have my usual a2s and b3s gone? I was utterly shocked. I mean... I have not been complacent have i? I studied for lit more then my other subjects. I was counting on my languages. And this.. this is what i got. Haish. Work harder Fad, at least this is not the O levels.

So now 3 subjects down, 3 to go.

After school, me, Michelle and Claire proceeded to Claire's house. So we got bored looking at Nelly shaking his booty away on MTV and thus we decided to play twister. Woohoo. It was an orgy i tell you. A gangbang right smack in the middle of her living room in full view of anyone who happens to pass by her balcony. haha. So we were straining our muscles when suddenly Nelly's voice in Claire's plasma TV when kapooot. Pssst. The TV had fused. hahahaha. Lame sey. All of us were like. "uh. what the hell happened?" So we lazed around and attempted, (the word here is attempted) to play the piano. Den xiuli came, and we resumed another game of Twister, this time with 4 people. So thus 2 partners. hahha. kk lame. We then got sick and tired of having other people's butt in our faces and decided to surf the internet.

Whilst i was standing by the computer, intently looking at photos of Claire's arch enemy, i did not realise the two dogs which came rushing in our direction.

Of course, i got the shock of my life and jumped onto Claire's lap, my knee poking her in her ribs. hahaha. You should have seen my expression man. classic. I was like "Claiiireee hellpppp.. get Michy (note. Michy is the dog while Michelle is a human) awayyy.. aaaaaah". hahhaa.

Ok. that was embarrasing. Since we got nothing better to do, we then proceeded to Michelle's house to have a game of Playstation. Played Resident Evil for 5 mins but gave up cuz non of us could get pass the first two vampires. Gosh. My playstation skills have became that rusty huh. So we watched Garfield. Sooo kiuuuut. haha.

On the way home just now, i passed by two recreation halls. For the first time of my life, i actually felt like i was walking in a neighbourhood rather then just a concrete jungle. All around, kids were waving their bright sparklers and throwing them in the air. Paper lanterns decorated the trees and groups of adults huddled together at a bench, watching in amusement the glee pasted on their children's faces. I couldnt help but smile to myself. This, is how i want my neighbourhood to be. This, is what i want to return home eveyday to. Not hear my footsteps echo in the emptiness and watching Banglas make out under staircases. I want to watch kids laughing, smiling and mixing together, regardless of race or religion. I want the Kampung Spirit back in Singapore. (Not that it doesnt matter that the sparklers were causing a major haze in my area). Today, i felt at home.

Currently my voice is as deep as a man's. Haish. Sick sick. Im so sick.

Reply to tags :

Nafri: Uh.. if you were referring to http://kesyahduanbayu.blogspot.com , yeap thats mine. Im reopening it again soon if i have the time. Its where i'll practice my kesusasteraan melayu. bleah. Im getting rusty at Malay.

Lisa : Haha. okok. ure not one. Apologies. hehhe. Ril dah orite?

Nas : Yahh. im eating like a piiiig. Groans. die, later gain weight. Howww.

Adam : Youve been linked! haha.

Love,

Fadhilah is disappointed.

Peace be upon you.

Quote from mini-me:
"It seems to me youve been blog-hopping and telling people they look real familiar. Thats really cheap publicity".

Im cheesed.

Sheesh. Like, first of all, i only told that to Irfan, Stoinkernit and Kelkatu.

Apparently i already am a blodger of Irfan's a loong loong time ago, just the recent photos he posted sparked me that ive seen him somewhere. So there.

Stoinkernit is a teacher from my brother's skool, and my brother is the one who asked me to tagged that. So there.

Kelkatu says he's on variaskope. SO THERE.

I've really seen them all somewhere, so i tell them. SO THERE.

hahhaa. okok maybe that doesnt deserve a whole entry. But im having PMS, and ladies who have PMS tend to get more emotional. heh. Anyway, i dun need publicity for my blog lah. Its actually more for my frens to read it. Haish.

Ok i shudnt blame my PMS. its so wrong. Im just cheesed cuz ive been accused of wrongly.

Hmm. Why shud i get mad when ive done nothing wrong?

hhahhaaha.

Alah gasak kau lah!

Bleah.

Love,
Fad is still high.

Peace be upon you.

xx 98th xx

6 seconds after i smsed him predicting that im gonna have my period, woosh, the liquid flowed out in turrents. Im smart. I should be a period-predictor and people all over the world will ask me to predict exactly when their period will arrive just for their amusement and therefore i will make big bucks.

Ok, i admit im still high.

I was reading my past entries (including my old blog which is now closed down), and i realised that i have changed much as a person. In my old blog, i wrote with this lingo (malay + english) and i sound minah-ish to a certain extent. I too tend to get depressed at least thrice a week. But now, now i've changed. My life is no longer sad and depressing cuz i have friends who care and love me. I no longer hate the world. Besh besh.

Since im so full of love and i'm still high, i'd like to dedicate this entry to the people (non family) in my life whose mere existance has caused ripples of smiles in my life. (P.S. its gonna be long so if the background music irritates you, just press stop)

My cousin Anz :
Hah! i know you will never be reading this buuut wat the hell im just gonna dedicate this for you. You've been there throughout the 16 years of my life and yet you can still tahan my crap. No wait, make that i can tahan your crap. I remember all those times you poked and jeered at me for being dark (ie. Mane Fadhilah ader ker nak main semunyik2 ngan orang. Mane leh jumpe dier. Dah lah gelap nak mampos. ) but i too remember all those times you actually cheered me up and made me laugh till my sides hurt. All our talks, all our hugs, our ups and downs.. I love you Ica. No matter what happens, i love you.

Ashrithaa :
Indian rhiinooooo. I think you will be able to read this, but even if u havent i would have pestered you into reading it, so now you're reading it. hehehe. So rhino even though you're so evil playing tricks on me and making me cry, its ok, cuz the times you made me smile and laugh are much more den the times you actually hurt me. Heh. I can remember all those times we gang up against Claire or rather, you two gang up against me. The times you listened to my problem about Atikah or my relationships even though you were buried deep in your books. Thanks alot grrrl. Would love to say more, but i have loads more to write. haha. So, keep rocking grrl. I love you to bits.

Claire :
Manjan Birbirasuuuuu. Thanks for lending me big bucks always. hahaha. Compared to Ashrithaa, you are more humane and i just love whacking you in class. We always have our mini-fights (not as in fight, but fight as in kebush kebush fight) in class and Rajah will always be siding you, bitch. No fair! I know lah you and her a couple, but you gotta be independant and fight for yourself grrl. haha. I had fun prying and poking into yur private life (ie the handphone fairfield guy incident). Thanks for all those talks we had on the phone these past few days. I lovee you piiig!! Mmmmmmuuuuuaaaah!

Faris :
Heh. Too much to say. Too little time. You know how i feel. *smiles*

Ikah :
Grrl. Times and conditions have torn us apart. You still lie on my bed, my desk, my purse. Everywhere. Everything in my life has bits and pieces of you. I will miss the times with you. I could say those were the times i learned the most in life, the times where i learnt to be more matured. No matter what you think, no matter how many (or rather little) calls we make nowadays, no matter the fact we dont even go out anymore, i need you to know, that you will always be in my heart no matter what. I love you grrl. I love you.

Hakim :
Brudddaaa. You've been a real dear to me these few days kimmy. Thanks for giving me the courage to do what i wanted to do, even though other people opposed it. Thanks kim. I owe you big time. I've a million other things to thank you, but i wanna sum it with just one word. I've found a guy best friend in you, kim. Of all places. :) I hope everything will soon be ok with your life k kim. God is fair. There will always be ups and downs. Love you kiim! (now amira and is, please dun get jealous. I love kim in a brother sense. hahhaa)

Lili & Caca :
Guess what. I'd rather hang out with you guys more then i'd hang out with my real cuzzies. BAH. haha. Thanks for not judging me by my selenger-ness and the fact that people think im too smart for them. Oh puhleez. Im normal. Love you two!! Muacks!

Nas :
"faaddyy iss a dinosauurrr ". haha. Lame lah you grrl. Yeah yeah, i know im not close to you and all and i barely see you in real life, but i feel like i can talk loads of shit with you man. hahhaha. So, thanks for being ma fren and listening to my mumbojumbo. Luv ya! Muuuuuaaaacckss! P.S. i still cant find a cartoon that rhymes with Nas. Ahh bloody shits.

Lis :
Hah. Gone gone. Pemalas nye minah. hahaha. Anyway, i really missed u gal. All ur emo shite and ur crap. see lah now you either broke or always talking to ur hunny chums. hahah. I understand. heh. Muuuaccks. love you Lis.

Meliza, Xiuli, Michelle, Snowlin, Yana & Pe'ah :
Thanks so much guys for always making my day in school. haha. Life's a bore without you. Muackss! Love you all!

All the bloggers of the blogs i read :
I mean ALL. im an ardent fan of blog-reading and all your blogs always make me feel as if im a part of someones life, however lame that sounds. haha. Altho i haf a few favs (Nas, Belle, Irfan, Lizzy, Malihha, Lisa & Hairil), i still thoroughly enjoy reading all the other blogs too. Thanks for giving me something to do for an hour everyday. Keep typing down those thoughts. Muuahh!

Ok im real tired and hungry. My period cramps are killing meee. Pain pain. Im farting air out like nobodys business. Wooosh. hahha.

Anyway, i dun understand certain people. First they tell the world that a friend of theirs is such an arse because the fren doesnt care about them and even forget their birthday, but when the friend shows concern, they say the friend is being a kpo. wat contradiction man. Oh well. Its their life, its their thinking. *shrugs*

Love,
If music be the food of love, play on.

Sigh~ 

I luvvv myy cuzzziieeee. 

Peace be upon you.

xx 95th xx

So it was a trick! kebush. Shortly after publishing the last entry, i received an sms from Ash. It wrote sumthing about asking someone else (Claire DOH) to play along with the trick to make Faddy (me) feel as if ive done sumthing wrong. kebush. And she accidentally sent the sms to me. diaohui.

Ok apart from that, i'd like to drop a note for Hakim.. Kim.. take care k? be strong. I'm sure ur grannies gonna be fine soon. Doa banyak2 k bro. you will be ok. She will be ok. Insyallah.

Anndd. to round up this entry.. the PhOtOS of the LadEez nigHt oUt! yeeha.


We entered Arab Street in style.



And parked next to the magnificent Masjid Sultan.



Introducing the characters of the outing, Lili & Caca.



My best couzzy, Anz. No its not an Mrt seat. Its the seat of our car. Really.



And the protagonist - Me.



So we walked in search of a shop to devour food. Bangalas and tourists keep peering at the 4 of us yakking away like it was nobody's business.



After turning and turning and getting lost in roads and alleys which all look disturbingly similar to one another,



We ended up at Al-Majlis, cuz Cafe Samar was too crowded.



Poured over the menu - too much money, too little choices. riiiite.




Settled on fries etc.



Whilst eating we met an Arab lady who suspiciously look exactly like Anz.



It was already 11pm, so we decided to head home only to find our car missing. All of us then slumped by the roadside, confused and devastated. I mean, we have never gone anywhere without a car. So what were we supposed to do?



We thought and called people asking for advise on what to do in such situations, and settled on taking public transport for the first time of our lives.



So we miserably trudged home in search of an mrt station.



Suddenly a brilliant ray of light appeared alongside us, and... Lili was gone.



We called our private investigator, Jackie Chan, to search for Lili while we head home (it was getting really late.. like 12 am plus plus)



It being the first time we took a public transport, we were so jakun and thus we took a lot of fotos. ahah. This being one of 100.

-- The end --

Reintroducing the stars of the show:

Caca, Lili, Anz & Me!

Hahahhaa. Ok ok i apologise. that was lame. but im bored to death. Sooo. yeah. forgive me.

Love,
Fadhilah's high.

Peace be upon you.

xx 94th xx

First of all, to Ashrithaa and Claire, (that is if you're reading this), i apologise for my actions yesterday. I was already in a bad mood, and when the miscommunication occured, the first people i blamed were you guys, cuz you knew i was joining you guys at 5 but non of you bothered (or maybe forgot) to inform me about the change of plans/location. I was dead pissed basically, since i did talk to Claire in the afternoon and she didnt say anything. Furthermore, the lot of you had handphones for Gods sake. One sms wont die right? Then today i figured out it could have been my fault too, for not calling you guys earlier to confirm and stuff. So im sorry. When i sent you the apology via sms, Claire did not reply, and Ash, you said "not accepted.." I do not know if you guys are playing a trick on me or sumthing, but i feel like shit right now, so please forgive me.

Well.

Basically things didnt go as smooth as planned. I feel like shit. I didnt go out with my classmates as i was pissed at them (refer to above paragraph) and made my way to Tampines to wait for my cuzzies. The cuzzies were supposed to meet at 6, but it was postponed to 7, but we had to wait for another two of us to arrive, which was at already 8. But basically, everything after that was alright i guess.

Bleah.

And i was so looking forward to yesterday. As they say, we humans plan, but God is the one who determines what happen.

I may/may not post up pics of the night out. (we didnt end up sheeshaing, we just ended up walking around arab street and bugis. Currently feel shitty, so i promise you guys a more uplifting blog by Monday.

Last of all, i thank you (i think you know who you are), for allowing me to borrow your camera. Sorry if i did make any scratches on it or whatsoever, but i really did my best to take care of it well. Thanks for making me smile this morning, and throughout the whole shitty day.

Love,
Down in the dumps.

Peace be upon you.

xx 93rd xx

Its early in the morning at 11am exactly and im still in an un-bathed state. Was wondering whether Lizzy and Gang are still asleep or having hangovers after their extensive clubbing at Hendrix (isit spelled that way? haha) Sorry guys i cant join you.. Other commitments lah dey. Like... Money shortage? hahaha.

Currently feeling better today. Things are not as bad as they seem to be. I am meeting him later for 5 mins cuz we wanna change some stuffs. So yeah. (",) i love him to bits. Hope i can meet him after O levels and assure him that im gonna get <13>Insyallah.

The house is empty again. as usual. Mom's out to her shop and brothers are all at skOoL. Im afraid i wun be able to update again for the whole of today. Cuz.

IM GOING OUT WITH THE LADEEZ.

Haha. So excited sia. But one thing tho: Mom made me fast today. haha. Damn. Which means i cant eat till 7pm. Grooan. Bleah. I'll be posting photos of the shopping trip + sheesha + overnight at my cuzzies later. That is, if i manage to get a camera. Wahaha.

Aight then. i wanna make my bed, i wanna wash the dishes, hang the wt clothes, bathe, get ready to go out den PARTY. wahhahahhaa.

Love,
Fad.

Peace be upon you.

K i promise this is my fourth and last entry for today, My eyes are too tired and panda-ish and i have a hot date with the grrrls tomorrow. Bleah.

Anyway, my mom just went to the Dentist to extract her tooth. When she came back, Voila! She had a new tooth replacing the missing one. hahah. kiut sey my mom. She went around the whole house showing her old broken teeth and her new teeth which was dripping with blood. Gross. Cute and gross. I love my mommy so much. There she was, trying to get us to do housewerk, but me and my bro acted as if we couldnt understand her cuz her mouth was kinda numb and thus she cant talk properly. Also for the fact that her mouth is stuffed with cotton. hhha. Mak, mak.

My best couzy Anz just got herself a website.. Erm. Multiply or sumthing liddat? Well, check it out ya guys? She's one HOT gal i tell you. Even tho she's short. And she's a ferring. Woohoo. Oh. and shes... *drumroll please* still single!! hahahhaa. Click here to check it out aight!

Love,
Fad dreams for the nightmare to be over soon.

Peace be upon you.

Im ok people! Im ok! haha. I realised something. Since he loves me dearly, and i love him dearly, everything will be ok in two months time. And for you (you know who you are) who thinks now is the time to take him away from me, HAH. He's mine to keep. Go far far. Shoo! haha. Gosh. My jealous claws pawing out. haha.

Anyway, so excited for tomorow! Going out the ladeez from my class in the late afternoon (Claire, Rajah, Mich, Xiuli, Charmaine, Lizzy etc) for some shopping, (in my case, window shopping) and later with my cuzzies (Ica, Caca and Lili) for sheeshaaaing. Wee!~ My first time sia! So excited. Gurgle gurgle gurgle. Wish me luck that i dun die getting high sheeshaing. ahha.

Monday going to court to watch a case! You know, the one where the Nsman died because his sergeant (or sumthin) pushed his head into the bucketful of water and thus he drowned. *holds one moment of silence for him* Well, im going there to watch! YEeha. Apparently, my friend's daddy-o is the lawyer in charge. So. I can go to a court! There will be the press and the Tv people. Im gonna be on TV! Im gonna dress up all black, and cry like nobody's business and they will think im related to the guy who died and ask me loads of questions. Woohoo. Then if they figure out im a fraud, one of the Mediacorp people will realise that im such a great actress that i'll soon be the next Queen of Caldecott hill! Hollywood! Here i come bebeh!

On a more serious notes, thanks Hakim. Claire and Ashrithaa for consoling me yesterday night and today. Love you guys loads!

Love,
Enlightenment strikes.

Peace be upon you.

Its only 12pm and this is already my second entry. I cant frigging concentrate on my studies. Bleah. Im sorry guys. Give me a few days to sort out this battle rempaging within me.

Would love to rant further, but i shall spare your eyes.

Love,
Fad.

Peace be upon you.

My friends say im an embarrassment to gals. Why? Cuz im a sucker for love. When i love, i love like no tomorrow. When a guy apologises for sumthing he did, and makes a promise, i forgive him and forget about the problem. See? I am an embarrassment to girls.

xx Oh ya.. Before the Day is over... xx

So shoot me. Its not my fault that God instilled in me a tender loving heart. Face it, I am made to love. Do i forget any of my close friends, even from kindergartens? No. Do i wanna make up and be friends with my Exs even though they hurt me so bad? Yes. Do i hold any real grudges with anyone? No. Its as simple as that. I dun like having hatred in my heart. I love and care for people even when i know they dun give two cents worth of their thoughts for me. Why harp on it and blame everyone? For me, if anything goes wrong, i blame myself. its better that way. When u blame yourself, you'll then improve urself. Why blame others when nothing comes out from it but endless hatred and pain?

xx I just wanna say that i promise that i will never try to hurt ur feelings anymore xx

I admit, it took me loads of courage to call him about my decision. I have forgiven him, i have. but i have to stick to my decision dont you see? Its the best for us. When i spoke with my friends about this problem, they supported my decision. When i was discussing the details, i felt no pain, just nervousness, so i thought i didnt really love him. But.

xx Cos you mean so much to me since we got to know each other... xx

When i called, and told it to him, i couldnt surpress my feelings any more. I cried like nobody's business. Its been only 10 hours, and i already feel like something is gone in my life. A part of me has went off with him. Will i be able to find someone as perfect as him again? I doubt so. He's the only one with whom i can talk openly with. He's my confidante. My best friend. My crapmate. My emo partner. He's the love of my life. Everything that i want in a guy, he has it. Why do the things happened that make us break up happen? Haish. I really2 miss him. If you are reading this, Is, i miss you.

xx Sorry again gurl xx

He's such a sweetie about the whole thing. Thanks for understanding why i needed this break, Is. It hurts me, it hurts you, it hurts the both of us. But i need you to know that i think its for the best. I need you to know that at the end of the day, the answer is my feelings for you have not changed. 2 months may be long? (or short rather) but it will really tell and show our true feelings. If we're meant to be, we're meant to be. If we're not, lets move on with life, but i need you to know that you will never be replaced.

xx Luv u.. xx

Ok enough all emo nonsense. Sorry readers you have to read that. I need to pen it sumwhere, but hate my handwriting so dun like writing. Bleah.

I am fasting today, due to Mom's pesterting. My fault lah. Had the whole year to repay my puasa but i didnt. I didnt. See now last minute paying back. Groan. I can smell the food she's cooking for my brothers. 9 more hours! come on Maghrib!

Plan to study like hell for Chemistry today. Yah yah. Prelims over. But the fact that i was so scared upon realising that i cant get nuts for my prelims has spurred me to study for my Os.

Ah. See lah? Because of my horrible Prelims i missed my chances to be an understudy at some London university on Psychology. Shit shit. I missed my chance to hang out with the best of the best in Psychology field, to see them in action. Shit shit. I missed my chance to really develop my psychological skills! I missed my frigging chance!! Ahh. bloody shitty prelims just ruined my life. Im not exageratting! I really want to deal with Psychology related stuff, and now prelims just ruined it all for me.

No, check that.

It was me who made the decision to not study hard f0r prelims. So it bloody shitty my fault!! ahhh. In the words of Kyle, Gawddamit!

Haish. So its true what they say : When it rains, it pours. Haish.

Love,
Him.

Peace be upon you.

We're on Hiatus.

I have no mood right now.

So i guess i'll blog tomorrow.

Luv u guys.

And Lizzy.

The bestest of Bdays to you.

Enjoy life.

You never know when its gonna end.

Love,
Nur Fadhilah.

Peace be upon you.

Ahh. Im currently having major spasms and white unidentified liquid is gurgling out of the corners of my mouth. Yes people, im having the widespread disease called Physics Overdose.

Been diving into my Physics since 4pm just now. I really hope i can do well for this paper at least. However, i should not get my hopes up high, as this is of course, last minute work. Bleah!
If only i can just burn all my notes, soak them in water and drink it all up and.. PoOf! Im fully equppied with all the physics knowledge in the world that im gonna win numerous noble prizes, surpassing even Isaac Newton's or even Albert Einstien's intelligence. BAH.

Dream on Fad.

Just asked my mom for a 50 bucks investment. Im gonna study really hard for My Olevels and i wanna make sure the people around me make sure that i will study hard. Im gonna get loads and loads of revision books and do as much as i can. 15 points! here i come! (Insyallah). Ahakz.

I f*cked up Prelims, i sure aint gonna f*ck up the big thing,

Oh well. Work hard Fad. I know you can do it.

Reply to Tags:
Kim : Aku dah reply at ur taggy!
Nas : Oh well, girl. Like i said i f*kd up my Prelims, so.. u hav a fren there. Heh.
Faris: Ok! I bet with you. If i get more then 10 you must treat me makan at Amirans and Swensens. How? haha.

Love,
Back to those physics tablets.

Peace be upon you.

The rain is pouring down in turrents, and i am warm and comfy under my oversized sweatshirt, eating cookie crisp and penning (or rather, typing) down my thoughts. Everything is right at the moment, minus one fact : I have raisins for feet. Haha.

Bleah. I keep having typos. Shivering uh. bLeah.

Basically this few days i have nothing to write about. No important events that i can read in years to come. yeah yeah. I know now its my Prelims and Prelims are important, but hell i sure dont wanna read about it in years to come and spoil my day. Heh.

Talking about prelims, tomorrow is my last paper!! Woohoo. Cant wait for it to be over! 5 days of Holidays, here i come! hah.

Got a few things lined up in the next 5 days. Last outing with Is (haish~), sheesha-ing (probably) with my dearest cuzzies at Cafe Samar, Emu2's bday, and endless computer internet usage. Yeeha.

Love,
Fuddys gonna sleep now.

Peace be upon you.

Groan. Just woke up from a 2 hour nap. Yeah. Gonna study literature by 7pm all the way till 12am.

Haish. Not much to blog about today, just that Wednesday will be supposedly the last meeting of me and Is. My stOOoOopid results lah! Haish. Which means that from this Wednesday, 22nd of September, all the way to after the Olevels, which is roughly 2 months, i will not be contacting him, and the other way round too. Haish. Im gonna miss him loads, but, i guess its for the best.

*smiles*

Love,
Fuddy drowns in her own misery.

Peace be upon you.

As i am typing this, gallons of air are escaping from the valley of my butt. Yes. My buttcrack. Oosh. The wonders of getting a thorough whole body massage. I feel so refreshed. So... Sleepy. Yeah i know thats an oxymoron. What i meant was that my body feels oh-so-good and therefore i feel like sleeping. So. Yeah. Ps. My farts dont stink. Trust me.

So. I went to Ikea today with mommy and we planned out the stuffs that we wanna get to decorate our rooms. This is my list:

1) A new mattress.
2) Throw in a new white bedframe please.
3) New blue curtains.
4) New blue carpets.
5) 3 big pieces of artwork, either of alleys or the beach.
6) A big old-school kinda clock.
7) A huge long mirror so i can gawk at my own body (or the lack of it)
8) Hell. Give me a whole new room!

Basically my ideal kind of room is a fusion of minimalism and punkrockgothism. Haha. Basically its gonna have the white and blue colors all around, with pieces of art and whatnots, but hints of my kinda music will be up, like artistic posters of gigs, my cds stuck on the wall etc. Gosh. I need money. I neeeed money. Anyone wanna donate to the Fadhilah fund, please dial 1800 - FAD - IS - BROKE for a $5 donation. heh. Start calling.

Visited my grannies after the IKEA trip. Found out that an aunt of mine met her husband during her Sec 2 years, and since then they have been together. They got married at the age of 23, which meant that they were gf/bfs for 9 years! Wooh. Salutes.

Bleah. I gotta get back to the books yet again. Maths paper tomorrow!

Reply to tags :
Parental Advice : Hey thanks for the porn site. I appreciate that. Loads. -.-
Imran : Haha! Cheers to Southpark and the rain bebeh!
Narda : Aight2! Thanks gal. Ive linked u too.

Love,
Fuddy dances amidst the clouds.

Peace be upon you.

Miraculously, the sound of the pattering of the raindrops did not ring in my ear today. Gosh. I realized how i miss it. heh.

Niway, Is dropped by my house for around 3 hours yesterday, teaching me Chemistry. (As in the subject. haha) Duh my parents knew about it. But sadly, three hours of coaching from a master was not enough to save me from the grasp of Chemistry Failure. Yessiree. Im gonna flunk my Chem. Im dang sure of it. Haish. Ok, drop the subject. Im pissed.

Niway, about yesterday. He came over at around 8. Den we studied at the Dining Room while my brothers watched southpark in the study room beside where we were sitting. Funny sey Is. He actually took the trouble to comb his hair ala the innocent boy look. haha. Is.. Is..

My daddy and mommy reached home at around 9.30. I guess things went ok, cuz my daddy was actually smiling and asking us whether we want a better lighting or stuff. Even mom asked whether i served drinks. Bleah. I got scolded for not serving him food. hha. The lazy pig that i am. At 10.30 he left, and i escorted him to the bus stop. We talked about lotsa stuff, mostly of our examinations and results and where we wanna be in life. He's a great friend. And i dun ever wanna lose him.

I was thinking though, since my parents are ok with him, "Is, biler nak datang minang?" wahahahhaa. kk joke2. Bleah. Me and him are just good friends aight people. Dun think the other way. I love him to bits!

That reminds me. I miss my best friend Ikah. Seems like years since i last talked to her. Haish. How i wish what happened had not happened. Its so hard now for us to go out or have a nice talk. well, i guess that'll teach me to treasure the lil times that i manage to spend with her.

For today, headed to Xiuli's house to just hangout. Funny that we're acting as if exams are over when we still have 3 major papers looming in the week ahead. haha. We watched Austin Powers, and ive come to a conclusion that...




I dun like guys with hairy chests!!!




Haha. Not that i hate them or sumthin, just that i find it so... erm. Unappealing. The gals and i had a great time laughing and puking at Austin's fake chest hair. Gross gross gross.

Love,
Second thoughts looming.

Peace be upon you.

Its raining again, soft droplets of water kissing the surface on my window. As im typind this, the background plays the magical soothing sound of nature, the song of the rainfall. Just minutes ago as i walked in the downpour, i began to think about my life as it is now. Have i done enough? Am i prepared to meet the Almighty? Will people remember me when im gone?

Yes. Im feeling ultra emo right now. Thank you rain.

Met Nas on the way back home. Seems like the HongKah-lites had their Eng and Maths paper today. Good luck Nassy! Niway, she looks as sweet as ever, with her dimples and megawatt smile. Neh i aint no lesbian. I just appreciate God's talents.

History paper.. History paper.. Actually i couldnt figure out whether it was easy or hard. When i flipped to the structed essay part, my eyes fell onto 3 headings:

China Civil War.
Germany Nazi Period.
China after Mao.

I squealed, as happy as ever. These were the topics that i studied and all 3 came out. How cool is that? Then when i read the questions underneath the headings, my happiness was shortlived. This was what i saw:

China Civil war.
a) (^(*^^*^*R^%^$^(&)*(+(+&*%^$^$???
b) **&*&*^%$$^)^_(*+_(+)(+))(())**(*???

The same goes for the other two. I couldnt understand the questions given! haha. But i managed to figure out what Germany wanted, so i hope i scored well in that since i studied Germany till 2am in the morning. haha.

Haish. I am in a state of missing a certain someone. Can't wait for Saturday. ahakz.

What else. What else. Nothing i guess.

Love,
Fuddy studying for Chemistry.

Peace be upon you.

Back to my normal dose of emocore. Haha.

Pressure is really getting into me now. I have papers like from tomorrow and not much have been done. Furthermore, he just told me that if i dont get less then 18points for my prelims, he wud no longer keep in touch with me. Bleah. That sucks! from a 29 to an 18. Thats like 11 points less. haiyo. Die die die.

Well, what he did was right anyway. I dont want to live my whole life regretting my sec 4 life, just as i am regretting my sec 3 life. Enough, no more, tis not as sweet now as it was before. No idea why i put that quote. Just feel like typing it down since im now revising for my Literature. Haha.

Anyway, this is my schedule for today.

9.30 - 10.00 : Bathe. (heh. yeah i just woke up)
10.00 - 11.30 : Study history.
11.30 - 1.30 : Id be in school getting my chem notes.
1.30 - 2.00 : Laze around the house.
2.00 - 5.00 : Study History.
5.00 - 7.00 : Study Chemistry.
7.00 - 8.00 : Online again.
8.00 - 12.00 : Study History.

Bleah. As you can see, purely chem and history today. History paper tomorrow and Chem on Fri. Once this week is over, im gonna be so happy. My two least favourite subjects side by side. Haish.

Love,
Feeling the pressure.

Peace be upon you.

I know, this song is totally not me. But its for a special occasion. haha!

From the day that I saw you
I knew that we would pursue
Cause the chemistry we felt that day
Felt so real, and so true
Looking back on a year we spent together
How it's been, whatwe went through
Although we've had ourlittle ups and downs
We've still pulled through

Baby girl you're my world my everything
I wanna lace you with diamonds and every ring
Give you everything youdream and fantasize
Cause you can tell me that you love me
Looking in my eyes
You keep it real with me,I keep it real with you
You keep on loving me,I’ll keep on loving you
Keep doing what you do,I feel your whole aura
And I can't wait to hook up again tomorrow baby - what

[Chorus]
My love for you will never end
You’ll always be a part of me
As long as time keeps on passing by
Y ou'll always be my baby boy.

Everytime I look at you,
I can't believeI’ve found a love so true (and)
I took my time to put my trust in you
I must admit it was so hard to do
And every minute that I spend with you
You make me believe I have nothing to loose and
Deep down I always knew that you would be mine

Do you believe in destiny
Because I got a funny feeling this was meant to be
Without you I'd be lost, I need you next to me
Preferably in the house fullof luxuries and little kids
From day one I was sprung, knew you was gonna be one
Cause my heart spoke for the very first time in a long while
And every time you smile, I can see us walking up the aisle with you carrying my child
C’mon

[Chorus]
My love for you will never end
You'll always be a part of me
As long as time keeps on passing by
You'll always be my baby boy

If you were to go, I don't know
You're the only one who sweeps me off my feet
Makes my soul go weak
The only one who makes my heart wanna beat and I,
I could never live without you
You know that what I feel has to be true
Cause you're my, my sweet love

Ever since the first time, that I looked into your eyes
I knew that you were gonna be mine
Feeling you from the inside,when you're not by my side
You're the only girl that's on my mindI never knew a love like this,
a love so strong
A vision so picture perfect it could never be wrong
Along the way, you’re gonna see you belong with Jay
I might have to marry you one day baby eh..

Hehehe.

Love
Him.

Peace be upon you.

I am the most Contented and Happy girl in the whole wide world after what happened yesterday. Haha. Bleah. Its kinda personal though, so i'm sorry ya guys? haha. But hell with it. im Smiling and i cant stop. And trust me, that is a rare occurance. Ahakz.

Oh well. Other then that, my physics prac went quite smoothly i guess. In comparison to my Chem prac. Gosh. Seems like i got almost all answers right except for the last part, in which ive never come across in my whole sec 4 life. Upon asking ma mates, they said "Orh. Simmy haven teach uh.". Wat the? How can he have forgotten to teach? eeesh. Must get more clarification soon. Oh Simmy is my Physics teacher btw. No, his name is not Simmy. Its Mr Sim. But simmy's cuter. So its Mr Simmmyyyy. Haha.

Yeah yeah im in a helluva good mood. Dun blame me.

Oh yeah, made my new Ez-link upon losing the old one. Did not bring a new pic so i was stuck with my promary school pic in which i look like so hangus and who's frigging nerdish and tomboyish. BLEAH. I look so horrible. Gurggle. Pukes. No, i am NOT exaggeratting. I shall post that pic up one day and let you see for yourself.

No wait, thats not a good idea. Cuz i'll have to get censorship notice from the govt. It will be rated R-21 and therefore non of you can see it anyway. So yeah, no pics. Haha.

My best fren accompanied me to Buena Vista just now, and then i sent her home to Woodlands. We were sitting at the interchange waiting for MY train (she was waiting for my train to leave before she departed) and catching up on old times. So we chat and chat and chat and i counted 6 or 7 trains passing by. Haha! So at last she forced me to board a train and i had to pay 2 bucks cuz i overstayed. Heesh. But who cares? I got to talk to her like nobody's business. I miss her so so much. :)

No papers scheduled for tomorrow and wed, so i guess i'll be mugging at home or at GekPoh's Mcs by myself or try to get some kakis to teman. Haha. Sian you know study alone.

Sooo. i gotta go then. heeeee.

Love
My dearie.

Peace be upon you

Thursday.

This was the intended schedule for the sleepover:

• 10 - 12 : Study
• 12 - 2.30 : Twelfth Night movie
• 2:30 - Eternity : more study!

This, is what we ended up doing:

• 10 - `1030 : Singapore Idol's results.
• 1030 - 11 : MTV
• 11 - 12 : Study
• 12 - 2 : MIRC sex channel. (elaborating later on)
• 2 - 2.30 : Twelfth Night movie
• 3 - 5.30 : Twelfth Night got boring, so we watched Texas Cnainsaw Massacre.
• 5.30 - 7 : Study.
• 7 - 8 : Sleep.
• 8 - 12 : Study.

Haha! So i went home at 12pm. And no, we didnt skinny dip. :( One of us had her time of the month.

Ok ok, im getting to the sex channel bit. One particular conversation i can still remember. okok. I remembered quite a few.

There was this one guy. who was an indian. So we said that I (we) was a Sri Lankan maid and that my Sir and Mdm had gone for a holiday so i can go online. Then I made that indian guy my confidante by saying that Sir had done some sex stuff with me. The Indian guy started to comfort me. Den i said i was stupid and had no money to study blabla. The indian guy actually started to tell us about Sinda (The indian's version of Mendaki) and stuff. haha!

Then there was this other guy. His nick was ^Jack. So we introduced ouselves as Jill. Then i started to sing the nursery rhyme and he joined in. Then i talked about Jack and Jill chips and we spent an hour talking about chips. haha!

Anyway, go watch Texas Chainsaw massacre! I practically said a million F words while i was screaming. And mind you, its 3 am in the morning. haha!

Friday.

I spent 13 hours sleeping. Hahahahhahaha.

Today.

Am feeling so awake right now. 13 hours of sleep eh! haha. Niway, chatting online with Ikah darling. I am so missing her right now. Luv u too ikah. *muacks*.

Love, Fad is missing u.

Peace be upon you.

Wednesday.

Aaah. Horrors of horrors. I saw the toyol gang again. Ee. Dun tell me its fate? haha.

Today.

My stomach's grumbling again. Hungry, hungry, Can't wait for Maghrib to arrive. Ahakz. Oh well, im heading of for my first ever sleepover at a friend's house. Yeeha. Swimming pool, air con, crap talks! here i come!

Shit.

Ive gotta concentrate. Its supposed to be a study night anyway. Bleah! Ok gonna make a mental check on what im supposed to bring,

• One big tumbler of Nescafe
• Chips chips and more chips
• My trusty campbell soup
• Cds to listen to
• Extra shirts and shorts in case we want to go for a midnight swim to freshen up
• Hair lotion
• Undergarments (Doh)
• Toothbrush
• Discman! Cant live without it.

Ok thats it. Oh no.

• BoOks.

Haha. Oh well. Got to go then.

Love, fuddy!

Peace be upon you.

A mat just asked for my number today.
Im not being a show-off.
Cuz the mat is 15 years old.
Eew.
And his friend who was sent to ask for my number
looks like a...


Toyol.


HHaha. A toyol is a small botak genie.
Eew.
Anyway, my swollen eyes have gone down a lil.
Feel much2 better.
Gonna get studying in 30 mins.
Oh ya.
DOWNLOAD SOUTHPARK.
Yeeha.

Love,
Fuddy's disgusted!

Peace be upon you.

Yawn.

I smell of early morning breath and a good nights sleep.
Yeeha. Dats right. Im still in my un-bathed state.
Hehe. My eyes are as red as ever.
Like.. apples? haha.
Oh well.
Me and my improper contacts usage.
Serves me right. Haish.
Hope it doesnt develop fungi like my friend's eyes.
He had to be hospitalized to get an operation.
Scaaary.
Eesh. Now my mom bans me from further use of contacts.
Die die.
Who'se gonna fall in love with me now?
wahhaa.
Me and love.
Desperate sia.

No lah. Just been so long since ive got a guy.
You know, like one day you feel all alone.
And keep wishing the good old days were back.
Where you keep calling one another.
And your bills stack up.
And everyday after school you go out together.
And look into each others eyes.
Make imposibble promises to be true.
And at last break up.
Haha.
Gosh how i miss the good old days.
Monkey love i call it. Or Cinta Monyet?
Im sure everyone had gone through that phase before.
Haha.
Oh well.

I guess im more matured right now.
Once bitten twice shy.
Gotta be extra careful in choosing a partner.
BLEAH!

So yeah.
Plan to stay at home the whole day and study.
Ive suddenly found comfort in studying.
Gosh.
Why does the feeling arrive so late?
If only i feel this way at the beginning of the year.
Would have got 12 points for my L1R5.
But now?
Too late i guess.
Ahh nooo.
I cant fail my prelims.
Nu'uh. Dun wanna disappoint my mommy and daddy,
They love me so much and put all their hopes on me.
MUST.
MUST get into a good Jc.
Insyallah.

Oh lis.
Sometimes things dun go as you wish.
Inilah lumrah kehidupan.
You may be up today,
and down the next.
God is fair and almighty.
He will give you your fair share of ups and downs.
Have faith in Him.
In life.
In yourself.

This next poem is dedicated to you, and also anyone out there who is feeling down and out.
Btw, its not written by me.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is strange, it will twist and turn,
As all of us will someday learn.
And many a person turns about,
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow.
You may succeed with another blow.
Often strugglers have given up,
When you might have captured the victor's cup,
And you learned too late when the night came down,
How close you were to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the cloud of doubt.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit!

Love,
Fuddy must make her parents proud!

Peace be upon you.

Yay. Loads to blog about, so i shall disect this entry into different colors under different subheadings. wahha. Have i told you im a neat freak?

Why the absence of daily updates?

Thats becoz ive been to Johor and Tampines the past two days! wahha. Gosh. You guys should seriously visit Johor now and get the laugh of your life. The Minah Malaysias are all wearing tapered! And all the Mats there seemed to be punks~ Eew. Eew. Me and my cuzzies had fun jeering at them. Bleurgh. *pukes* Well, my family and hers went there to make our Hari Raya clothes etc. So we went to this shop named Lagenda and spent 2 hours there. Guess the total amount of clothes done and money spent? 11 clothing items and 2ooo+ ringgit. Gosh. And i thought my mom and her mom is broke.

Angsana has like the most raddest converse shoes ever! High cuts, low cuts blah blah. I have to go there again one day, this time with money of course. Bleah. Hate being broke. So we entered the skate/hiphop shops. The Mat Malaysia there were ooooh so cute, with their old skool hairdos and emo dressing. But bleah, there's this silent rule that Singaporean gals shudnt fall for Malaysian guys. Haha! Sssh. Its a silent rule.

So we took the trip back home in my Uncle's jeep. The uncle who owns a mega humongous crane company. So his soooo cuuuuttteee grandson, who has like blue eyes and brown hair and skin to die for (His father is an angmoh), whipped out his gameboy advance and kept me buzy throughout the whole journey. The jeep was like woooh. It had a tv and the best sound system ever! Ah. Again, i hate rich people.

Oh yeah, the uncle pulled me in for a business venture. Anyone know any bikers out there? I have two genuine Harley Davidson boots to sell off. 200 bucks, negotiable. Spread the word yeah? Will fit a size 7 ot 8 or 9. Its knee high, btw.

The road to Minahism,

Haha. Hanging out with my couzzie's Minah frens has thought me how to be a true blue Minah.
The rules are simple.

1) If someone "sueets" you, never turn until they call out your name.
2) Any guy with a motorbike is a must have,
3) You muz rejoice when you turn 18, as now you can do your illegal stuff legally. (For example, smoking and clubbing)
4) Use words like "sial" and "kimek" at least once in a minute.
5) Discuss who you last shagged and who you want to shag next.
6) Say hi to any guy that you know along the way.
7) Bring the ex up at least 5 times in a conversation.
8) If you see an old mate, say him to him/her as if you want to pick up a fight.
9) Shelters are called "pondoks" and that is your second home.
10) Complain about your high hp bill, but at the same time tell the whole world how high it is and compare whose is higher.
11) Discuss about your latest "phheeww" incident with the police.

Waha. I may add some more when im free.

Ive unlocked it!

Unlock what you may ask? Well, ive always wondered why the Mats always say "Tak sabar berenang", which means "If you're impatient, swim". So yesterday my couzin was telling me that the Mats got it from the old P.Ramlee movie, where the actors were impatient in getting into a boat. One of them then said "Tak sabar berenang". Oh so now we know that Mats watch P.Ramlee. haha.

Am i heartbroken?

Not now im not. He has reassured me about his feelings, and yeah, i dont know. But like i told you, im pathetic in handling my feelings. Oh well. What i know , now, im in love with you, Is. Try not to disappoint me ya?Haha.

Conclusion.

Im a happy contented girl,

after buying a pirated HIM and JET cd.

after spending 2 days with my dearest cousin.

after what he told me.

Now.

BACK TO STUDYING.

Love,
Fad's Happy!

Peace be upon you.

Rajahhh.
Claireee.
Im so sorry.
I really really can't ignore him as much as i try to.

I can't forget him.
I can't ignore his sms's.
I wait impatiently for our next meeting.
I can remember his smile, his laughter and his lameness.

I know he did me injustice.
But.
I really can't forget him.

BAH

Im such a sucker when it comes to feelings.
I'm good at advising others,
but my own love life?

Pathetic.

Just plain pathetic.

Eeeeesh.

GERAAAAAAAM.

Love,
Emoness creeping into my soul yet again.

Peace be upon you.

Chatting online with my best friend right now.

Atikah Bte Saad.

I miss her so much.

Ikah, if you're reading this,

I miss you so frigging much,

Much much more then you are missing me.

Love,
I wanna cry.

Peace be upon you

Bleah!
No pink!

Happy Teachers Day to all teachers!
Wee~

Yesterday was a great day, having a 3/4 day at school. Our performance went well, except for the fact that i almost slipped on the floor like 5 times due to my stupid socks. Luckily, managed to get a grip and safe myself from embarrasment. hah. The Malay guys did.. erm. ok. The performance on stage (Marigold) had a vocalist who sang rather out of tune, and to make it worse, the mic that he/she was singing into had the loudest volume. So when he/she uttered the first "yoouu~" (they sang "that thing you do"), everyone's faces turned from hopefuls to disappointment. Heh. Later on at the mini-stage, music etc was a-ok, but the vocalist couldnt be heard at all. Not his fault, it was the mike's fault. Ahakz. His face was contorted into a mess, seeing he was practically using all his vocal chords trying to be heard. Sorry, Min. But i guess you did ok. Went off after 1 number, cuz a gig's no fun without vocals.












Rajah & Claire.

Went off with Rajah to Claire's house. The first thing that greeted me at her front gate - Michi. Dun get me wrong, but Michi is a dog. Hah. Got the shock of my life. So I hid behind Rajah while Mani, who is Claire's maid, locked the dogs (there are two, Michi, who is small and hairy, and Prince, who is much much much bigger) in the room upstairs. Then i ran up the stairs to the fourth floor (yes, fourth) and entered Claire's room.

Ah! Im in love with her room. Surprise, surprise. After 2 years of being close friends with her, this is the first time ive been to her house. Hah. One wall was fully covered with posters and she has a queen sized trampoliny bed and her room is like twice the size of my room! Gosh. Hate rich people. Bah! Haha.

We looked through photo albums and laughed at how weird and fat we used to be. Ok, how fat Rajah used to be. Michelle later joined us at around 3 pm.

Whilst everyone ate 1 bowl of maggi, i ate TWO. wahaha. And you wonder how come i am still as skinny as ever. High metabolism rate! Weee. Go get your high metabolism! 3 for 10 dollars!

So we studied till 7 (altho i slept for 1 hour). Then the crapping began.

Rajah got hold of my stud belts and stud wristbands and began calling herself rocker. She refused to answer us if we did not call her name beginning with a "Rocker". So she sang her version of "Rock-a-bye-baby" (is that how you spell it? hah). When Claire went out, Me, Rajah and Michelle took turns jumping on ber punkrocker style. She practically killed us when she found out. Haha. Then me and Michelle played twister using the poster on Claire's wall. Heh. We managed to tear erm. 3 posters? Haha. Sorry Claire.

Later on, Claire told me something about comparing the temperature in the room (it was freezing) and the one outside. I said "You dogs are outside, goondu", but she denied, promising that the dogs are safely locked in the room. So i placed myself infront of the door while she opened it. Then michi's head popped in. I screamed like hell and on instinct, pushed the door close, almost crushing Michi's head. Gosh. Sorry, Claire. I really didnt mean it. Heh.

At 8 we headed by the poolside and studied at the shelter. Gals treated me to 5 slices of pizza from Pizza hut! woohoo. Its great having rich friends. (just contradicted myself. haha). At 10, me and Rajah went home, while Michelle stayed overnight. Last heard they studied till 6 frigging am! While I conveniently slept from 12 to 10. Hahaha.

How to pass Prelims i ask you?

Bleah!

Replay to tags:

Lizzy: Haish. Yeah bloody prelims. Im so tired lizzy dearie! Oh and say hi to hotboi for me ya? He's such a doll.

eFa: Tsk3. Pemalash eh. God scold! haha. Aight2 link me anitime, just as long as you remember to do it. :)

HuLkKimz: *prot* *splash* wahahahha.

Love,
Fuddy's gonna study.